Weigh In Day

It hardly seems possible, given my current love affair with TJ's Reduced Fat Cheese Puffs, but I’m going to believe the scale anyway. I am 241.8 today! I cleared the scale and weighed myself 3 times to be sure, it would only change 2 oz at a time, in the lower direction, so I’m taking the higher one to be safe. I’m 2 pounds away from a 50 pound loss. 2 itty bitty pounds - I’m buying pants this weekend! I think I’ve earned them.

Mission :: NOT Impossible

For my current health and weight loss, I owe a great debt of gratitude to my dedicated, positive, and encouraging work out buddy, Katie. I really never wanted to exercise before. But in August of 2006, we decided to stop bitching about our plus size bodies and join the YMCA that is in between our offices. We've suffered through bad water aerobics instructors, (and great ones), weird people on the machines - like the Bunny who does the Elliptical at warp speed, and the man who tries to get the recumbent bicycle into orbit. Odd people in class, like the woman who can't stop screaming at the water aerobics instructor, or the man that mostly wants to be in your personal space while in the pool. But it makes for good cocktail chatter, no?

Half the time I only go to the gym because I know Katie's waiting for me. We meet 4 times a week, and vow to keep each other entertained to keep the time passing quickly - and encourage each other. Well, I was on my own tonight. And armed with a mission from my personal trainer. Kari is my gal, and she is a kick -who also rocks as a trainer. I had a session with her on Tuesday, and she has put me back to zero, essentially. It has been nearly 1 year since I saw her, so she was tsk-tsking me. I wanted to leap into free-weights, but I've got a mission for one month, before then. Circuit Torture. I mean, Training. Who wants to do cardio and Nautilus machines at the same time? I wince and cringe just thinking about it. Tonight I was on my own and responsible for not only getting myself to the gym, but also to do circuit training. I had to actively talk myself into going tonight. So after a warm up on the Elliptical, it was down to the weight room. I would use a Nautilus machine, and then have to do an aerobic activity for one minute. I chose walking the track while carrying a weight. I felt so nerdy - leaping up from the machine, speed walking while carrying one weight. And my little eyes were searching the room for some sign that people were snickering. Logically, I know I shouldn't feel nerdy, but I did! So now I'm the weirdo people will tell their partners about - shifty-eyed woman with only one weight in her hand.

So get yourself a work out buddy if you don't have one - they make such a difference. But not my Katie. She's mine!

Shopping = Motivation

I hate shopping. I love grocery shopping (well, somewhat). But clothing shopping was always a chore. I used to choose whatever fits, whatever hides my ass, and is in red, black, white, green or gray. That's it. If I have to go shopping, I usually make sure to park right where I need to be, and get in and get out, as quickly as possible. And if I have other ladies with me, we must stop for lunch in between. Well, when is it ever not fun to stop for lunch? However, my body is changing in exciting ways, and I'm more amenable then I ever was to shopping.

I got a little inspiration from Tim Gunn's Guide to Style. I love this man. And although there's a part of me that says ohmygawd please calm down, it is just fashion, not the war in Iraq! I also take to heart the lessons I can learn about fitting. Like where shoulder seams are supposed to hit you (end of your shoulder), and that the crotch of your pants should hit your crotch. Amazing! Tim did a show with a woman named JeAnne who just lost 145 pounds. Wonderful! And I could so relate to her anxiety about revealing her undergarments, and to have your closet and choices (which is yourself, essentially) picked apart. But she gives me hope - and it gave good ideas of what to look for in a fit, a silhouette. I feel like I am really going to get there someday. Even if it takes me 7 years - I think I'll reach my goal weight.
So it is a new experience to learn what to look for and to appreciate my body now.

First, I'm down 3 sizes in pants. 3! I really need new jeans, and some work wear pants. But I have a really hard time spending the money - paying full price when I know I am going to shrink some more. So, I think I'll invest in some belts. And pore over the sales. But the thrill of looking in the dressing room mirror, and wanting to buy everything just to say - hey! Look at me! I have smaller pants!! Was a great feeling.

Wanted - D Cups. I used to have D cup breasts. As I discovered this weekend, I have become a C. Why is that? Why can't we hold on to those? However, I got 2 new bras that are so amazingly supportive, I now have the highest and cutest C Cups out there! And one of them is red. I don't think I've had a red bra in years, which is shameful. I love it! So even though I don't have the size I want, it was really cool to see the substantive change in clothing sizes.

It was a good feeling this weekend. And although I've been having an affair with Trader Joe's Cinnamon Cat cookies, I know that if I continue doing good work, I'll be in even smaller pants. It is so much easier to keep at it when you have some success.

Weigh In Day

I'm crampy, cranky, bloated and want to eat everything in sight! Get to know me!! This morning I was 245.6 - a miraculous loss! And I was 244 on Monday, so I know I'll see that number again. And this means I'm only 5.6 pounds away from the 50 pound mark. I have 2.5 weeks to lose them. Here we go...

Need

She is my constant companion, my eating partner, my other self. She smiles at me encouragingly when we pass the bagel and cream cheese platter in the break room. When I want some dark chocolate, we nudge each other and giggle. "Yes, let's!" she says. She nods sagely when I want a cheeseburger and fries saying, "Of course you need it. Today only." Sometimes we argue. I counter her advice with my reasoning. That actually, I don't need those things. I'm eating vegetables and fruit instead. When I am strong enough, she usually listens to me. And with pride I watch my portions, I plan meals and feel good. Then there is that one week of the month, when I'm in the shadow, and she's in the lead. She strides through the food court skillfully choosing the saltiest and most satisfying potato chips. At night she helps herself to the old portion size we used to take regularly. It still isn't enough. After dinner she opens and closes the cupboard and refrigerator doors in search of more, more and more. And I'm behind her silently willing her to stop, but feeling powerless, sometimes even justified. It's a period thing, it's unavoidable, it's only one week, and I'll go to the gym tomorrow excuses flutter around my brain while I'm searching for more to eat.

When we go clothes shopping, she is sheepish and embarrassed that she encouraged me all those times. And I remind myself that she isn't in control. I am. And the only way to smaller numbers on the scale is to eat healthfully. And keep my so called friend in the light, in perspective, not hidden away like a demon. I can only challenge her to stay with me on the long road ahead.

If only it meant more bacon

Dr. Oz is on his gal pal Oprah's show tonight! A teaser showed eat more, lose weight. Now that's something I could get used to! Seriously, when I have been really "good" (I hate to label my behaviors as good or bad, but there you have it) or super diligent about my calories and ratio of fat - I lose very slowly. Then I get fed up and decide that I can splurge on a meal - and I eat 5 slices of bacon at breakfast. And whoop! The pounds fall off. There are theories galore about this. Your body conserves your calories as fat since you aren't eating that much, then when you give it roughly 400 calories of fat - there is a collective sigh that the famine is over, we can release the stored fat that we don't need, and voila - weight loss! And then there's the Atkin's theory. I'm sure the eat more, lose weight will include mostly upping your fiber and lean protein, and not lots of bacon, much to my chagrin.

Can I show you what I just spent hard earned money on? Bacon Flavored Salt! Oh lord this could be trouble... but deliciously dangerous trouble!

Weigh In Day

Yesterday was weigh day. I'm at 247 even this week - only down one pound. Poo. I've slacked on the FitDay journaling. Perhaps I should go back and try to stick to 1800-2000 calories per day? And add strength training!

What do you do with...

I have that song what do you do with a drunken sailor running through my head. Because I have to figure out what to do with the 4 pounds of sunburst squash I apparently ordered from our Organic Produce Delivery service. I don't remember ordering that much, but it is here, so here we go.

So what do you do with 4 pounds of squash? My New Mexico-raised hubby immediately suggested squash and green chile casserole. Which involves a lot of cheese and crushed crackers, and too many calories. To keep calories down I'm going to try something else. I'll post the recipe tomorrow. Our grocery store also had a BOGO on eggs, so I made mini quiches for our lunches. Crustless, of course. The recipe is delish! It worked out to be 24 mini quiches - I imagine one could eat 2 per meal. Today I had just one with a side salad, and it was pretty good in the satisfaction department. Also, I made so many because they freeze beautifully, then you can pop them in the oven, or thaw and nuke in the microwave. 113 calories each!

Crustless MIni Quiches - 113 calories per mini quiche.

8 Large Eggs

32 oz. Part Skim Ricotta

4 oz. Feta cheese

2 TBS Olive Oil

1 medium yellow onion, diced

4 cloves garlic, minced

4 Sunburst squash, diced

8 oz. sliced crimini or button mushrooms

2 TBS freshly ground black pepper

2 tsp salt

1 TBS thyme

16 oz. Frozen chopped spinach, drained and squeeze dry

4 roasted red peppers, chopped (you could use fresh too)

1 large bunch fresh basil, chopped (or 1 TBS, dried)

24 slices of tomato (optional)

Heat the oven to 450 degrees, and grease the muffin tins, or line with papers.

1. Heat olive oil in saute pan, add onions and saute for 3 minutes. Add mushrooms, and if they are really large, I like to break them up with my wooden spoon or spatula. Add squash and garlic, and continue to saute about 5 minutes, until soft. Add salt, pepper and thyme.

2. In the largest bowl you have, beat the eight eggs until fluffy. Fold in cheeses.

3. Fold in spinach

4. Add veggie saute, and red peppers and basil

5. Divide mixture into your muffin tins.

6. Add sliced tomatoes on top, if using

Bake for 25 minutes, testing with a toothpick - if it comes out clean, we're done.

I stole the best idea ever from the Barefoot Contessa - to fill muffin tins when you're making cupcakes, muffins or quiches, use an ice cream scooper with a release arm. It is the perfect amount of batter to fill the cups. And you don't have to worry about dribbling all over the place. Brilliant! When I made this this weekend, I was testing out my new silicone muffin tin, that you really don't have to grease, but then also used my regular non-stick pan, and forgot to grease. Luckily everyone came out okay, but take it from me, don't be a hero. Grease your pans.

10 Daze

Oy! The FitDay Challenge over at Mel's is over. Hurray! I began to feel as though I were in competition with my body. Could I keep my intake under 2000 calories? Could I lose weight even if I didn't? Should I sit on my hands to keep me away from the candy? And most importantly, could I really be honest about what I was eating? And here's what I learned.

1. I go crazy with the calories on the weekends. (I already kind of knew this, but now it was in print proof)
2. I eat A LOT of fat. Wow. A lot.
3. I still hate journaling.
4. I love candy.

So I should lower the fat intake and my high fructose corn syrup snacks, and keep at it! Yes? I am 8 pounds away from hitting the 50 pound mark. So here's a goal - to be down 50 pounds by October 10th. And to not go so crazy on the weekends. Here we go!

Weigh In Day

No Drum roll today. Yesterday was official weigh in day, and I was up to 248 even. Ouch. Definitely took the wind out of my sails. But, we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, make a salad and go for a walk, yes? I honestly enjoyed myself over the weekend (obviously) and don't regret it. I just wish the consequences weren't so swift!

And we're back!

I LOVE California! I spent the weekend exclaiming that at my most joyous moments. Swimming, being outside late at night, eating outdoors, and rubbing in copious amounts of SPF 30, the perfect protection that lets me get a little color, but not burnt. Mr. Black and I had a wonderful time - he got to realize his dream to visit Universal Studios - they are tearing down the Back to The Future ride, so we rode it first. That ride is so old, but it is fantastic, and has amazing effects. I got to swim and lay in the sun and visit Mowtin. His perfectly styled apartment is inspiring - I insisted to Mr. Black that we must paint our boring white walls!! Mowtin is so talented - I admire him so much.The best part was seeing him with his new beau, Mr. Z. They are lovely together, so kind toward one another and making the other laugh. Mr. Z lets Mowtin be loud and funny, and he chimes in with equal verve when he feels like it. I loved watching them be comfortable together, and openly discussing their future together. And in a quiet moment, Mr. Z asked me if it was okay if he married my brother. I kissed him on the cheek and exclaimed YES of course! They are lucky to have found each other, it is hard to do. When I think of all the people who are against letting these two make a legal and binding commitment to each other, it makes me want to scream. I'm appalled and saddened by the sheer waves of hate in the number of twits against gay marriage. There is beauty and love in their relationship, to squash it is cruel. Even in the most practical sense, not being able to ensure they can legally be each other's family should something land one of them in the hospital (touch wood). My heart belongs to Mr. Black, I'm grateful that he's officially my family, and I wish the same for my brother and his partner.

But, on to the food. Did you know that if while you are on vacation, if you don't have a few drinks each day with many high fat meals, you might die? Oh, it's absolutely true, nary a smile will crack your lips and you will begin to annoy others around you - they'll start ordering cocktails and french fries for you without your asking. As I aim to be a charming guest, I ate with abandon. It was glorious. I enjoyed each minute, bite and sip. Most of our days were spent swimming and walking, oh, and sweating in the 106+ degree heat, so I didn't feel so bad. Although when I weighed myself this morning, I was up. Six! Pounds! Yikes! That's not so good. It takes the wind out of my sails a little, but I'm being honest with myself. No more guilt about eating. I won't fear food dammit, (except maybe these. Shamefully, they can have their way with me, every time). Although my weekend of gluttony it makes Mel's FitDay Challenge very embarrassing, for myself, I will make everyone feel better when they read my journals. Yep, I'm a giver.