Happy Palentine's Day!

Oh Valentine's Day. The hype, the horror, the fun. Hearts are my favorite symbol. Ever. When I was a little girl I figured out how to write the capital B of my last name, so that it looked like a heart tilted to the right. Posters of hearts adorned my walls, I drew them everywhere - I have about 735,000 pendants in that shape - and they get worn on a regular basis. I am a giant walking heart! Naturally, Valentine's day has always felt like my holiday. And I would be disappointed each year when I didn't have a valentine. Dumb.

And then I met Mr. Black. Romantic to the core, he actually asked me to be his valentine (we'd been dating since January), and burned me a CD complete with an illustrated sleeve, and published a valentine for me in the local newspaper. And of course, everything was given to me when I woke up, in a gesture so touching, as I drove to work listening to my mix tape of love songs chosen for me, I bawled. It was terrifying to receive sincere kindness and affection in a gigantic wave like that. I think after dating losers who didn't make me feel like the prettiest and best gal in the room, it was hard for me to accept that I deserved to be spoiled. The big girl in me was crying out to be loved, and when it happened, it was overwhelming.

As our relationship has continued, we have both resisted the big Hallmark sell. We don't buy flowers because what a waste of money this time of year! I get red roses for other reasons. And we don't have fancy and expensive romantic dinners- because I'd rather do that just because. We make each other a card, and do something we both enjoy. Usually we go to see a comedy show, but this year, we're going to see my new favorite gay boyfriend, Mika. And festive attire is requested. What the hell does that mean? We are going to be the oldest and straightest people there, and I won't care because "Big Girl (you are beautiful)" is the best work out and sing a long song I have heard in a long time. I'm going to shake my 230 pound butt like crazy and sing out loud and thank my lucky stars that I have Mr. Black to love. Not just today, but for always.

It IS a Wonderful Life!

Merry Merry and Happy New Year!! I’m back home, full of good food – too full, if you know what I mean. Spending the week eating and playing board games is my ideal vacation with the Momma, so I’m literally fat and happy. I’m back on the healthy path today – and so far my body hasn’t gone into shock since it hasn’t had bacon in 48 hours. I still get a little surprised that I can revert to my indulgent self so easily. My Mom loves to cook for us, and always makes sure there are snacks in the house, and I fall back into that routine of eating whenever. Cheese and crackers at 11:30 PM? Yes! Chocolate at 11:30 AM? Why not? Of course, I was aware of what I was doing, although my only redeeming efforts were walking the dog a little and making sure to get in two fruits in the morning. Sometimes I think that this lifestyle change will be like recovering from an addiction. Those tendencies to overeat will always be there, and it is up to me to not fulfill the desire by completing the action. I had hoped that that part of my brain would be turned off, but nope, it is still there, clanging for pork products and cheese. I am what I am!

Mr. Black surprised me with many lovely gifts, but the most touching to me was that he bought me 2 shirts and a pair of PJs. Now, Mr. Black is not your typical gift giver. He is always creative and romantic, and often goes with a theme of your hobbies or interests. I love this about him. I had hinted loudly how delighted I would be if he bought me a nightie. Nothing trashy, but something feminine. And it worked! He said that he wasn’t sure what size I am currently, since I had such a range of sizes in my closet. They are one size too large, but I love them. Just picturing him looking through my closet and then being watched by salesclerks, the effort he took to get these gifts to me was significant. And it was nice that he acknowledged my changing body and complemented it with new things! Also in the top 5 list, I got my stove top grill (cast-iron, so it will double as resistance training) and immersion blender that I was hoping for – so grilled marinated veggies and pureed soups are in our future.

Tonight we’ll be having our annual Craptastic White Elephant New Year’s Eve gift exchange. A bunch of friends come over, and bring the worst thing they can think of from their home. It’s gift wrapped, and then usual White Elephant rules apply. Truly horrific things come out – it is fantastic! I’m all about the funny so the more awful, the more funny, in my book. Last year, a bag-o-hair from a thrift store came out. Horrific and hilarious, I tell you. Luckily, the hair was thrown away, so it won't be reappearing this year. Who gives a bag of hair to a thrift store? And why did the thrift store put it out for purchase?

Did anyone else see the commercial with Valerie Bertinelli and how she is thrilled that this year will be the first year she wakes up on New Year's Day not thinking about her weight? That will be a wonderful day indeed. She got teary eyed and I did too. So happy New Year to you – I’m back in 2008 with goals and recipes and maybe even some resolutions.

Made it!

Yay for small victories - I actually took The Ding for a walk last night, after the rain stopped. Albeit a short one, as the wind was howling and it was cold. We went for about 40 minutes - but I'm sure 34 of those were spent sniffing and peeing on everything. That's my boy, so classy.

However, my new friend at work brought me a plate of treats from his Mom - how cute is that? A very sweet gesture, but sooo tempting. Magic cookie bars, cherry white chocolate cookies, toffee and biscotti. Oof! Season's Eatings! I had 2 pieces of toffee and one biscotti and set the rest aside. Good girl! That only means I'll eat them later, mind you - but in slow normal amounts. Promise.

does walking to get an egg nog latte count as exercise?

Choices. I’ve got to make some tough ones this week. Mainly – when to exercise. I can’t go to the gym on Wednesday or Thursday evening this week, due to social engagements. So obviously, if I was smart, I would get up at 6 am each day and go before work. Because the wind and rain and 40 degree temperatures are so welcoming here in Seattle – my warm and cozy bed will seem like torture. Yeah, right. This is a quandary I expect many of us will be facing over the next couple of weeks. Traveling, feasting and imbibing come with December as sure as the cold does. There are only so many hours in the day – I have much to accomplish, and exercise is a priority for me, however, this week it may have to take a back seat. Here's my plan of attack: My work out buddy is unavailable to work out this evening, which automatically gave me a list of 12 reasons why I couldn’t go to the gym either. However, I’ve decided to give the dog a long walk tonight, which is also a long walk for me. It will be cold and rainy and miserable, but it’s something. Just doing something to feel in control is so important these days. My plan of attack also includes seriously staying within calorie guidelines when I can't exercise, because like Mel says, no cookie is worth being fat forever. Wish me luck! And good luck to you all!

party girl

I used to have a roommate that wore dresses or skirts everyday. Literally, she didn't wear jeans unless she was in an extreme situation like camping. I loved that about her - I wanted to be like that. And that's one of my goals when I reach my goal weight, is to wear more dresses and skirts. How fabulously easy are they? You throw something over your head, and your done. No buttons and belts or pinched waists - easy peasy! I bought a ton of skirts for my honeymoon in Greece, and I loved walking around day and night in skirts and sandals on the island. So feminine and comfy!

The company holiday party is coming up in January and so I'm dreaming about dresses. I want something that says "Hey! I have a smaller waist this year!" without looking like I'm hoping to be crowned prom queen. Our company event is not very formal. We rent a room with a view of the skyline at a local waterfront restaurant, and enjoy the buffet and open bar and dance floor. Although, this year, my very aural Mr. Black has threatened to stay home since we will have the same DJ as last year, the man who didn't have any music recorded later than 1995. No, really.

But I digress. I discovered alight.com a few years ago when I bought this dress for my 30th birthday. I love this site because it is so refreshing to find plus size dresses that don't say "I'm so excited that my grandson is getting married!". Now I'm checking out this jobby for the party. It is sassy and red, but won't let my cleavage come tumbling out. I'm seeing a big chunky necklace and dangly earrings. However it only comes in a size 16 currently. I won't be a size 16 by January, I'm sure. But what if I got it anyway and just tried it on. Ooh, and then I found this one that I love for springtime. So I'm dress hunting. I'll definitely share what I find. Any tips are surely appreciated! I may have to put together a sassy shirt and skirt outfit. We'll see!

Happy Thanksgiving from Wilfred!

Happy Thanksgiving, blogosphere! I hope everyone has a wonderful day and remember to enjoy every bite - no guilt!

Mr. Black and I had planned to get up at 8 am. We were both awake at 6:30 and finally left the bed at 7:00. It's like Christmas, we're so excited. I named our turkey Wilfred. He's my first ever turkey, why not give him a name? I brined him, and now he's in the fridge, air drying for a crispy skin. I have a lot of anxiety about Wilfred. What if the brine made him too salty? What if he tastes like cardboard? What if the brine didn't work and we have the stereotypical dry turkey breast? I know I shouldn't care this much, but I want everyone to enjoy this dinner. I just have to hope that the herb butter rub makes him tender and delicious.

I've had my sensible two egg breakfast with satsumas and coffee, and I'm working on my water. Time to make the sausage stuffing. Yum!

holidaze

Thanksgiving is almost here! Last year at this time I was panicking about going to my Mother’s for Thanksgiving. And I couldn’t figure out why. I had gotten into the groove of portion control and exercise and loading up on veggies. So why did I still feel like I would fail? I finally figured it out. I have always been a cook – so making my meals wasn’t a new thing. But making sure that 50% of my plate is veggies was. Finally I realized that at my Mom’s house, I would be surrounded by my favorite stuffing recipe, a wealth of cheesetastic appetizers, mashed potatoes and gobs and gobs of butter. And I realized what made me feel freaked out was that I realized that I never make piles of mashed potatoes and sausage stuffing and tell myself to not eat them. I wasn’t sure if I could practice my perfect portion control in the presence of my classic comfort foods. But I see from my nerdy Excel sheet that I actually lost 1 pound at the weigh in after Thanksgiving – so it is possible!

Not that I am the perfect person to give advice as I am the woman who hangs out at the buffet table asking "Are you going to finish that?" But anyway, here are some strategies for Holiday meals:

• Start the day with your normal healthy breakfast - protein may stay with you longer than fiber - but listen to what your body likes.
• Don’t starve yourself during the day to “save” points or calories for the big meal. Eat small meals before the big show, and you won’t be starving.
• Get some exercise before the meal – or encourage your guests to take a walk afterward with you.
• Plan ahead! Decide what you’ll be eating, so you don’t fall on top of the double cream brie first (like I usually do). I think that most hosts will be willing to share with you that their first course will be bacon wrapped shrimp, or a spinach salad.
• If you’re not hosting, bring a veggie side dish that you know you can eat a lot of and feel full, while not doing yourself in.
• Consider starting the meal with a broth soup. Participants who ate a broth based soup ate less than those who didn’t. It is slow to eat, and filling.
• Make 50% of your plate veggies. Do marshmallow yams count as veggies? I don’t think so – but if it is all you’ve got, go for it! A thin woman in my office says she eats all of her vegetables first at every meal. That's a good one!
• Turkey is a lean protein – so take off the skin and you’re ahead of the game. (I love crispy turkey skin!)
• Scrape the pumpkin pie filling out of the crust, and you’re saving major calories.
• Drink your water! Sometimes we interpret thirst as hunger. Weird.
• Give yourself permission to eat what you want. If I tell myself I can’t have something, I eventually binge on that item. So I’ll be having sausage stuffing this year – just one serving.

I don't know that I'll follow all of these, because mmmm stuffing, rolls, butter, oh my! But they'll always be in the back of my mind, so I'm sure the intent will make a difference, and I'll be strong. We can do it! I’ve got some great recipes for replacing fat laden favorites that I’ll be posting soon! What are you doing for the holidays?