Triumph - watered down

I acheived something difficult this week! And it turned me into a dry-mouthed speed talker who went on way too long. I was telling the most senior woman who oversees our office that I want a new job. Oh, it was not pretty. I was completely intimidated by her, even though she is a nice woman, I don't know her very well (mostly because she intimidates the hell out of me!). Compbined with asking for a position that does not exist - yet. I only think it is coming. In January, my company went through a merger of equals, so now we are doubled in size. My mind went reeling to where else I could work within the firm. I have been in my current administrative support position for 5 and a half years and there's no challenge here. Our work is cyclical and steady, no surprises. I like being in a support position, but I'm sort of craving to be responsible for my own thing, as well. In my former job, I juggled a lot of balls because we were such a small staff, so coming here was a relief in that it was well-run office where everyone treats you like a grown-up, and you get to just do one job, not 5. Also, I share my position with a very unreliable, immature woman who takes 1-2 unplanned personal days a month. To run errands. Don't get me started on her - but suffice to say, I disagree with how management has reacted to her behavior.

Anywhoee, big boss lady confirmed to me that she doesn't even know if that job will exist yet. She asked me to be patient, and to consider that things may be happening in a few months, even if it doesn't happen now. (I'm looking for the secret message in that). Not the slam-dunk I was hoping for. No words of encouragement that of course, you'd be perfect for that - we'd love to see you apply. The position I want (Office manager - but with a little more responsibility) will likely go to an incumbent who is doing a similar thing now.

But a pat on the back to myself for asking for what I need, yes? Scary - but now it is out there. It was really cool to just do it instead of sitting here at my desk wishing I had done something. Now I have to tell my boss that I want to move to another part of the company. Yikes. No wait, I can do it!