I’ve decided that my hell is a world where I am forced to do walking lunges all day. I tried to get out of lunges. “3 years ago I tried them with the other trainer, and they hurt my knee!” “I’ve got this hip thing.” “I might fall over!” Each argument was retorted with the fact that my body has changed over the last 3 years, I’m much more physically fit and I weigh less. And lo and behold, I can do lunges without hurting my knees and hips! Or falling over! Honestly, I am in awe of how many different muscles come out to yell at me when I do the lunges. They are a powerful weapon. I sweat, grunt and huff while I’m doing them. Which lead me to the thought – do people really get dates at the gym? I mean, I’m so sweaty that my hair is wet, my face is red, drippy and usually features some mascara running. Hot mess, my friends, hot mess.
And I cannot wrap my brain around the back raise. It is like a carnival ride, but I control the terror level. And “Back Raise” makes it sound like a hip hop dance. They should call it – just as painful as a lunge, but with gravity! Basically, your feet and calves are held captive against a plate and cushion, respectively, while your thighs rest against another cushion, and you let yourself hang down at 90 degrees, then heave yourself back up. Who the hell thought of this? Torture.
The highlights were these:
- When my trainer said “Let’s head to the cable machine.” I said “Did you just say Kegel machine? Because I don’t need a machine for those.”
- Planking for 3 sets of 15 seconds each – impressing the trainer “You’re a great plankster!”
- Being able to hold a bridge for 35 seconds – and two more sets of 20-30 seconds! Thank you, Pilates class.
- When I felt like I was wimping out during my second day, only doing 6 back raises, she said “You are working hard, I can see it, and your muscles are full of little tears. Respect the tears!”
And with that, I am taking a rest day. So far this is time and money well spent - I'm glad to feel like I'm not spinning my wheels any more and that I'm comfortable with the trainer. And did I mention that I did lunges. Like a million. That's amazing!