HYC Check In

I'm a day late for weigh in! 222.6 – I’m up 2.6 pounds since my vacation and Thanksgiving. It could have been a lot worse, so I’ll take this and remind myself that cookies do not make the world go round, nor the scale go down. Do you know what happens to your body when you stop exercising? You don’t need as much food. I always have a stash of fruit and peanut butter and nuts to sustain me throughout my work day. And I find myself looking at the clock thinking – its time to eat! Then I realize that I am not hungry. What a concept - food as fuel. Less movement, less fuel. I guess that whole thing about exercise speeding up your metabolism is true.

My last panicky post was me thinking (screaming?) out loud. And since then, I’ve recalled my Mom’s rule. You can only feel sorry for yourself for 2 days, then you have to make a list of what to change or do next. This applies to just about any situation in life, but especially weight loss. I have to accept that for the next 6 weeks, exercise will be low, so my calories have to be even lower. Bor-ing - eating is way more fun. But not gaining weight is even more fun than that. The next two weeks are jam-packed for me, so please excuse my absence from the HYC blogger's comment sections. I hope everyone had a great week!

Everything, all at once

I've returned from from Chicago with baby oxytosin coursing through my veins, along with probably a lot of booze and day-glo orange cheddar and caramel popcorn. Nutritious, no? My friend's baby was beautiful, adorable, completely huggable and so sweet. The visit was far too short, but was just delicious.

I'm feeling sort of panicky, (can one be just a little panicky?) about losing weight, about being in rehearsal 5 days a week, working and not having time to work out, go Christmas shopping or hey, doing some blogging. Jumping back into the swing of things, I weighed 10 (!!!) pounds heavier than when I left. I know that wasn't really accurate since we had been on a weird flying schedule and then my cycle started. So I think by next Tuesday I'll be at a more accurate weight.

My schedule begs the question "Take a break from losing weight?" I know that mentally I need to take the pressure off of myself. It's so disheartening to post a gain - it is even more disheartening to even just see it on the scale, privately. I haven't even been on the scale since Saturday. I have planned my meals, I am exercising on the weekends, and that is all I can do. However, there are cookies in the office, and my director brought in dessert, and there were chips and cookies and fruit at the theater - I don't do well abstaining from everything. And when I eat it, I think - why are you making this so important? Why are you eating something that you know is not a good choice? And I know the answer is simply because I want to. I want the taste. I want to participate in the social aspect. I want to eat what tastes good, and not face the consequences. I want to think that eating healthfully 90% of the time deserves to eat something not so healthy. And I'm eating small quantities of the bad stuff - but still, I think there is something inherently wrong with putting something in your mouth and then feeling guilty about it. When I am exercising regularly, I can eat things that are not "on plan" and still see lower numbers, so I'm having trouble changing that habit. The answer? Don't eat it. That's been 50% of my problem my whole life, so why is it so hard for me practice it?

This rambling entry brought to you by the fear of gaining 20 pounds in December. And it doesn't help that I hear "Oh, people always gain weight during the holidays, don't worry." I don't want to undo everything I've done. Blah, blah, blah, make better choices, I am capable of success, and I need to stop whining about a rehearsal schedule because I put myself here! This whole acting experience is stretching me like crazy, which is a post for another day. Now I'm off to eat my healthy lunch - a chickpea curry and a salad. And no cookies!

Chicago, here we come!

Tomorrow we're headed out to Chi-Town (33 degrees with snow flurries - fun!) 1) for Mr. Black's cousin's wedding (I love being a wedding guest!) and 2) so I can hug and squeeze one of my dearest friends, and hold her beautiful baby girl for 48 hours. I'm very excited as the baby is about 8 months old - not so old that she can crawl away from me, but old enough that she won't sleep 17 hours a day. I plan to teach her the phrase "I love Aunt Sara" while I'm there - I'm sure she'll get it in no time. Neither Heather or Teale were able to meet with me this trip, which was a bummer, but we're going to make it happen the next time I'm out that way.


And I must confess, along with baby squeezing, I want to do some big eating while I'm there. Midwest steak dinner? Sign me up! Chicago-style pizza? Yes, please. And oh how I love going out for breakfast. Is this a smart plan? Not really, because I know myself. I know that being on vacation is sometimes a trigger to my brain to stop eating smart portions and counting calories. I also know very well that when I return home and I step on the scale and if I see myself way above 220, I'll feel deflated, disappointed in myself, and regretful. Are those feelings worth the taste of all that food? Definitely not! For the first time in my life, I checked to see if the hotel offers a fitness center. I'm taking my work out clothes, and hope to knock out some exercise in the mornings before hitting the town and lifting my fork. I have never even set foot in a hotel fitness center. Strange that this is the woman I've become. Will I be successful? I hope so. If I can return home with a minimal gain, or even better, maintaining, I'll be a proud, proud lady.


Have a great weekend! And cross your fingers I eat well. That means smart and tasty!

HYC Check In

Well, shoot. I am up .6 this week – just barely, barely holding on to my 70 pound status at 220 even. I’m not too surprised, as I missed two days of exercise. Oh, and there was that trip to the bakery on Sunday – where I had 5-cheese Sicilian style pizza and a chocolate brioche. Divine – wouldn’t go back and change that, even if it puffed me up a bit.

Get back! Back on Track! Last night I walked the Ding, and even jogged a little. I will never understand runners. Bobbing along, feeling the weight of my hips and feet as I try to propel myself down the path – I did not receive an endorphin packed rush, nor the thrill of challenging myself. I felt only the drag of my 220 pounds and the sense that this is not the exercise for me, so I should stop being an imposter. Back to the gymnasium for me!

Hope everyone had a successful week.

HYC Check In

Here in the Trisaratops Lounge I’m grateful to see 219.4 on the scale this morning. That means new 70 pound loss bling! Hooray! I did pretty well this week, eating wise and exercise wise. How nice to feel as though I have been rewarded for that.

Last night I returned home from rehearsal and felt hungry. Not bored, what can I eat, but tummy growling hungry. So I ate. Today I logged my calories into FitDay, and I only went over my calorie goal by 150 or so. That’s a relief. My director is not going to be helping my weight loss efforts much; she’s a mean baker and brought Apple Cranberry Crisp to rehearsal. With diced candied ginger. Oh, it was heaven. I took the smallest portion possible.

Forget getting yourself to the gym. Forget counting calories. Forget writing down what you eat. The hardest part about losing weight is choosing when to say no. As a baker myself, I know how nice it is to make something, feel proud about it, and then have people refuse to eat it because it has sugar and fat in it. So there’s the social side of me that wants to be kind, at war with the sensible side of me that wants to be healthier. And it’s apple crisp for chrissakes, not a Twinkie, it practically counts as a serving of fruit, covered in oats, cinnamon and sugar. This will be a test for me. How to get past wanting to say yes to every delicious thing that comes my way.

Good luck to everyone – hope you are having a delicious and healthy week!

Being aware

Had my first rehearsal for the show on Sunday. It was hard work, and invigorating. We did a lot of character exercises that involved movement, and we were all sweaty by the end. 5 hours is a long time to jump and crawl and squat and run. Not every rehearsal will be like that, but I did feel better knowing that I got some movement in. And can I tell you how good it feels to be comfortable in my body – to know that I can squat and get back up, and I can run in place and not pray for the exercise to be over? I am physically stronger, but also more confident in my physical ability. Fabulous!

I’m feeling a little panicky about what my weight will do with my new rehearsal schedule. Essentially, I’m taking out my exercise time to go to rehearsal. And rehearsal won’t be all sitting around and eating – the director is very much the opposite, she likes to get us moving. What can I do to make sure I don’t gain 20 pounds in 3 months? The answer is simple, kind of a bummer, but necessary. No overeating. I have to stick to 1720-1750 calories a day – and maybe even less, if I’m going to maintain where I’m at now. I’m so glad that it will be so easy for me, as it is the holidays and all – there’s never any temptation to overeat during November and December. Yep, should be a snap. (Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!)

There is only so much room in one day, and it seems that most people I know, or read online, sacrifice their health first when facing a time crunch. Exercise is the first thing that I convince myself I don’t have time for when I am busy. Yesterday I had to rehearse from 1-6, then change clothes and meet friends for dinner at 7:30. I kept telling myself in the morning that I should do a 25 minute aerobic routine to justify eating beef burgundy for dinner. But, I spent the morning cooking, and taking the dog for a 30 minute walk instead. I feel better knowing that I've planned my meals, and will hopefully avoid the I'm-in -a-hurry-just-grab-a-burger pitfall. Also, since I won't be home in the evenings eating pounds of peppermint bark, it should be manageable. I've also considered working out on my lunch hour - which may prove necessary, but I'm reluctant to give up that time that could be spent learning lines or refreshing myself.

I got myself into this, and it is up to me to be vigilant and careful and dedicated to my body and my soul. And skip the eggnog lattes.

Pilates and that PC guy

Thursday evenings are when I take my Pilates class. I love it because it is challenging, the instructor is hilarious and it also marks the end of my work out week. I set a rule with work out buddy those 2 long years ago that I would not exercise on Fridays. Imagine my despair when class was canceled last night. Oh no! I didn't want to face the elliptical again, but I wanted to meet my exercise goals. I figured that I could do a series from memory in the room anyway, since they weren't going to have another class in there. Another woman followed suit, and soon nearly the whole class came in, and we lead each other through the series. Go team!

Then Mr. Black surprised me with a secret date to see John Hodgman, who was promoting his second book on complete world knowledge, More Information Than you Require. He's most recognizable as PC from the Apple commercials, or as a contributor on the Daily Show, so he regaled us with tales of being a famous minor television personality. This mostly involves being recognized on the subway of New York and then referred to as the chubby PC on blogs and the like. Some Pilates and some laughter, equals a great Thursday! Now, on to the weekend.