Fait Accompli

Behold the glory of a renovated yard and a refreshed woman. We got a huge help in the yardwork department from my dear friend, the avid gardener, I think I thanked her 17 times. She was able to make it go faster, and she knew how to cut things back, and how to rip out the roses. Thanks again, K! We spent two days weeding, planting and mulching. Over the course of those days I confirmed - quelle surprise - I hate yardwork. Hate. it. Perhaps I should change my system of weeding only once a year whether it needs it or not? That might help. My snarky neighbors who spend 4 hours a week in their yard said my plan to grow giant shrubs to cut down on weeding time won't work. We'll show them!

Before and after:

The Dandelion Circus


Scary Spider Habitat in the ivy:


Sad, sad bed looking for some room to breathe:


Overgrown bushy tree thingy(that's the techinical term) and dying rose bush:



And now, Willow tree happiness!


Trimmed down the star flower bush into a tree shape, and ripped out the dying roses:




Au revoir, ivy!


Grow, shrubbies, grow! And lavender. Breathing room for you!


My other great accomplishment - not eating all day on my vacation. I lost a little weight, and feel great. I was really concerned that I would find myself bored and munchy and eating things I shouldn't. But I didn't! For one thing, I wasn't bored. For another, I made sure I had good things for me to eat in the house, as well as making meals. I am so proud of myself, I can't even explain it in colorful terms - I just ate when I needed to, and focused on fresh. I'm planning my menu for the week and plan to keep up this eating only when I need to train, because its the right thing to do, sister. Sunday cooking commences, for a stellar week. Returning to work will not be easy, but mama needs some money.

My I heart Seattle weekend

Best. Weekend. Ever. My glorious weekend kicked off with some much needed good news. My husband got a job. At a big Pacific Northwest company, I love having major employers here. He starts next Monday the 24th. This is significant, because he has been out of work for 354 days (but who's counting?). I never wrote about it publicly here, because I just didn't want to talk about how my insides were a mess of goo and running mental financial calculations every 2 minutes. Now, we have two incomes! We can eat out and not feel guilty! We can dump money into savings, and then blow it on a vacation. To say I am relieved and excited is an understatement. I would also like to say that I am pretty proud of how well we handled this - I still managed to contribute to 2 retirement accounts, and even socked away some cash while only using a meager amount of the severance package to pay the mortgage. This was possible a) because we don't have any debt except the mortgage and b) the unemployment money and lovely Obama administration that extended unemployment payments. Thanks, Mr. O! Okay. Enough money chat.


Seattle gave us beautiful 70+ degree days this weekend. I know elsewhere it is probably even hotter, but here, this is a big deal. Friday I picked up all my groceries, and we had a very healthy rice, asparagus, cashew and Asian vinaigrette dinner. Delicious. Followed by a nice glass of wine while laying in the hammock. Does it get better than that?


Saturday brought more sunshine and dinner with friends - which always does my body good, no matter what we eat. We had a delicious dinner - outside (!) and chocolate fondue for dessert. It was so fantastic, good friends, good food and kids and dogs and laughing. I ate very well - a bonus!


On Sunday, I had plans to exercise and do my chores. But then we were seduced by the call of the Seattle Cheese festival. Two words: Free. Cheese. How can I say no? Our new favorite is little blocks of smokey sharp cheddar, and a Camembert that was so creamy delicious. And who knew that there was a Parmesan that I would consider eating by the slice? Walking around the market, snagging toothpicks of cheese to sample, people-watching, and buying a famous Pike Place Market bouquet, it was enough to make my heart soar, especially side by side with my sweet (employed!) husband. Plus - the samples were tiny, tiny - I estimate that at the most, I had 4 ounces of cheese total. And that's giving me some wiggle room. We headed home, and I was full of good intentions to go to the gym. BUT - it was sunny, and the floor needed mopping, and I needed to pay bills and stamp them, and paint my toes and make dinner, and I skipped my workout. I didn't even make dinner. We cobbled together something to eat out of what was in the fridge. And I am religious about making Sunday dinner. It felt kind of freeing, and I'm learning to realize that just because I don't get all my fruit and veggies in on one day, I'm not going to die of scurvy, or gain 50 pounds.


Oh! And I watched Geneen Roth on Oprah, talking about her new book, Women, Food and God. It cracks me up how the guest is supposed to be talking, but really it was a chance for Oprah to dump out all her a-ha moments. I found myself thinking a few times - hey, Oprah, let her tell us about that chapter, rather than just your reaction and interpretation. But I know what it is like to be excited and you can't stop talking about it. (see paragraph 1) Would love to hear if anyone else has read it.


That is my super duper fun and productive weekend. Mostly I'm just excited that I had a combination of doing fun things but still eating on plan. Gooooooooo...lifestyle change! Ha! I crack myself up.

Tiny sunbeam

Yesterday I was spot on. I was lovely. Resilient. I ate within my calorie limit - even while I enjoyed one of Seattle's little treasures, a mini donut from the Pike Place Market. (I had to chew on a lot of gum to not eat more) then I burned 425 calories on the elliptical, did my arm work and some squats, and am a little sore in the arms today. This morning the scale said 227.8 - which made me sigh with relief that Tuesday was temporary bloating or something. I saw a teeny little ray of light yesterday - and it was coming from me! I was able to do what I need to do, and all it takes is focus and thought and determination. I gotta make that beam wider and wider!

My DC Experience: AMAZING!

I’m finally home from my trip, and fantastic doesn’t even begin to describe it. That town is amazing. I am not much of a history buff, and when I have been to Europe, I visit the ruins and am impressed and adequately awed, but tend to maintain some distance. This week, to be in that city, where history is all around me, it was exciting and moving, because it is my history. These lessons that I have heard over the years aren’t just legends, they are real, and here in front of me. It was just amazing, and yet I found myself feeling a little cyncical. That couldn’t possibly REALLY be the coat that Lincoln was wearing when he got shot, could it? It seems too far away, to difficult to imagine that artifacts have been preserved for so long. But I guess it is true, yes? I can't wait to go back with my family - I think we need at least a week just to see 4 museums. Basically, I spent the time alternating between being moved to tears by the monuments, and working a lot harder than I expected.

Thursday night, we had dinner with the local office team that we were visiting, and then a few members of my team wanted to go to the National Mall. It was 8:15 and I was exhausted, trying to not fall face first into the table, still trying to adjust to East Coast time, but if I have an opportunity to go with a group, I figure I should go. Seeing the monuments at night was incredible. The weather was so warm, the crowds were smaller and the monuments were so beautiful. We also got shooed away from the White House, so we watched the sky for Mr. President’s helicopter, but we never saw any arrivals. Unfortunately, I was on my own Friday evening. I was actually staying in Arlington, Virginia, so after I wrapped up work, I headed out to the Arlington National Cemetery, and now I want to honor everyone who has had the courage to go to battle and fight for our country, because it really is a sacrifice, one that I could never ever make. I wish that there would be no more wars for servicemen and women to fight in, however. After a good cry, I took myself to Georgetown for dinner. It was nice to have the pick me up of being on a busy street with college students and other tourists to distract me. My legs were getting tired from the walking, and I spied a Lush store. Perfect! I bought a bath bomb and some solid bubble bath and proceeded to have a nice dinner by myself in an Italian place along an open window, then went home and took a nice hot bath, painted my nails and slept like a log.

Saturday I connected with an old friend from college, who was kind enough to pick me up in the morning and we spent the day together. We walked around the tidal basin (no cherry blossoms) and then went to the holocaust memorial museum. The way the exhibits are set up you are gradually so immersed in the graphic nature of the takeover and murders that it is impossible to walk away without being so grateful for the life you have, and heartache for those who lost theirs, and disgust for the fact that it went on for years. Naturally, you think about what is happening in Darfur. My friend and I had spoken about it, wondering what I could do, because it is so easy to shrug it off and say that it is not our problem, it is not something I can help with, and to accept feeling hopeless, and then moving on to the next task in your life. Luckily they had a brochure, called “What can I do?” I will put it to use. We went up to Maryland and had a seaside dinner outdoors, and don't even ask about what is better Atlantic Maryland crab, or Pacific Dungeness crab - it can get pretty heated, which is hilarious to me.

Here are the best weight-loss parts. I fit into the hotel robe! That was so exciting. I feel like I’ve joined the secret club of people who fit into one-size-fits-all stuff, that for so long did not fit me. On the exercise front, I did not do so hot. I could never get up before work to get to the gym, being up late and the time zone were killing me. I did do a lot of walking, that's for sure. Food-wise I did much better. When I was on my own, I ate vegetarian, and small meals, because in the office, there is crap available from dawn until dusk. Bagels and sweet breads in the morning, and then heavy lunches, afternoon cookie trays and a fancy dinner. One of our lunches was ordered in from a place called Big Buns. I had to chew on my tongue to not laugh out loud when they announced it. Now it is back to basics and we'll see what my weigh-in brings tomorrow. I am anticipating a gain, only because I didn't do any formal exercise, visited the cookie tray, and had some alcohol. I feel like it will be minimal, and definitely worth it. No really, it will be. I know that I didn't go hog-wild and that's a great improvement from my former vacation attitude to eat anything that comes my way.

Thank you, America!

I am so proud of my country. I am so proud of the Obama campaign's new-voter registration efforts. I am thrilled that the right man is going to be our president. A man with integrity, vision, poise, and intelligence who truly cares. I also am so proud that a person of color was elected in a country where racism still exists.

My only diappointment today is that California did not overturn the gay marriage ban. This is divisive cruelty. It breaks my heart to think that my brother and his fiance won't have the same rights as hetero couples. It makes me furious that if one of them should be in an accident, or land in the ICU, the other won't be allowed to see him. When I was in the hospital in 2007 for my gallbladder attacks, I was scared and in so much pain. It would have added to my stress level if Mr. Black couldn't hold my hand and tell me everything would be okay. Same-sex couples are creating families with love - it doesn't take anything away from your life to allow them to have access to their partners in the hospital, or to allow them to say proudly, that's my wife or husband. I would not consider myself a politically active person, but this is one subject that is close to my heart. Eventually there will be equality, that's all I can hope.

And now back to our regular exercising and eating well.

Could we start again please?

Oy vey. I haven't been here and I miss it! My life exploded a few weeks ago. Okay, that's a little dramatic. But I was working 11 hour days, and went in on a weekend to meet deadlines. Oh, those actuaries, they keep me hopping. Then my poor dog 1) Ate chocolate - not good for the puppers, but he's fine. Just a few Hershey's kisses (which aren't really chocolate, so it was harmless to him.) And this incident proved that he has secret opposable thumbs - as I found the foil wrappers. How on earth does a dog get the candy out of a wrapper? And 2) He has developed some kind of allergy that is making him chew his paws and legs. We've been running him around from vet to vet trying to figure out what the heck is happening. It breaks my heart that he can't say what is wrong and that I can't just fix it for him. So we're trying an elimination diet to see if it is food-related. Diet affects everyone - even dogs! Fingers crossed that we solve the issue soon.


This weekend all I wanted to do was curl up with my Google Reader and get caught up, but that didn't happen either. I would like to know how women with jobs, children and exercise routines still find time to blog. Maybe it is something that burns within them that they must do, where as I am more inclined to spend my free time socializing, cooking, walking the dog, doing laundry or watching television (which is shameful). In other weekend news, I digress. My cousin married one of my best friends this summer. It probably took me a year to get used to the idea that my male cousin that I wasn't that close to was going to be a larger part of my life, since he was dating one of my most favorite lady friends. Then I got to be their officiant. I registered as a reverend at the Universal Life Church, which was hilarious and an honor. They are so lovely together, and announced this weekend that they are pregnant - did so on the honeymoon. Isn't that the most romantic thing you've ever heard? They announced it this weekend, and confimed the suspicions I was having, since I last saw her, but couldn't bring myself to brow beat out of her. Mr. Black was hilarious after the announcement, of course. A friend arrived late to the resturant where we were having dinner, and when my cousin told him "We made a major announcement before your arrival." Mr. Black said, quick as a whip, "We're all having the veal - just for fun!".

So then there's my health. In my last post, I set new goals for myself and then boy howdy, that's when things went crazy like bananas. I stopped journaling, I stopped exercising and tried to not bite everyone's head off. My weight was pretty steady that week, which was surprising. I know that a lot of that was due to the fact that since I couldn't exercise, I was careful about what I ate. Thank goodness for good lessons learned the hard way.

On Saturday I weighed 220.2 - such a thrill. But alas, a fluke. I was back up to my old friend 224 today. I'm feeling pretty good overall. I've discovered two new passions for eating. One of them is good for me. Barley. Hulled, not pearled, so it has more fiber. I love it so much more than brown rice. It is super cheap, and you can flavor it with anything you like. Genius. I've also discovered Gimlets. Not so good for the waistline. I read about them in a book, and so I had to try. Heaven. This is as close to a martini as I'll ever get.

So, I need to get back to blogging, and being an active participant in the Healthy You Challenge. I can't promise to do any or all well, but the intent is there.

I'm 63% lean!

What would make one feel the most vulnerable?

• Stating your weight out loud to a person you don't know all that well?
• Re-confirming that weight on a scale in front of said person?
• Having that person pinch, grab and measure your chubs to get your body fat percentage?

Lucky for me, I didn't have to choose just one. I got to experience all three! In step one of shaking up my fitness routine and diet, on Saturday I had my body fat percentage measured. I imagined that I would be gently pinched a little on my upper arms, and maybe around my tummy. And la, la, la it would all be over in a minute, and we'd laugh. Little did I know that I would be pinched in 7 places, and 3 times in each spot. (She also said most gym employees when measuring body fat, don't do it this way, and they do it inaccurately, and people walk around with the wrong numbers. Aren't I lucky that she was doing it the right way? I'm still sore!) I adore my YMCA trainer, I trust her, and to her credit, she warned me that it would hurt. But oy even with that warning - standing in your sports bra, with your pants just under your belly button in the office of the YMCA with a woman grabbing as much of your chubs as she can REPEATEDLY - not really a good time.

So here's the good news! I weighed in at 223 on the YMCA scale, which was a loss from Tuesday, and my home scale showed 222, which was glorious. Then, she found I was 37% body fat, which according to her calculations makes me 82 pounds fat, and 141 pounds good things like muscle, bones and organs. That was interesting to me, since that is around how much more I wanted to lose, around 78 more pounds. But according to her calculations, if I lost 35 pounds, which would put me at 188 pounds, that would make me 25% fat and is considered healthy. That's only 12% - and 35 pounds, that's easy, right? HA! None of it is easy, but it seems achievable. A little less daunting than 78. But I'm only 5'6", so I can't imagine not being considered overweight at 188. I guess I'll find out when I get there - no sense worrying about something that is 35 pounds from now! And my trainer also pointed out to not pay so much attention to the number on the scale, focus on your clothes fitting differently, and needing smaller sizes. So true! But, I'm still weighing in tomorrow. Come on, 222!

I would recommend doing the body fat measurement, even though it hurt - very informative, and I left my session feeling rejuvenated to keep on trucking. And now my trainer has an intimate appreciation of my cellulite, lovely.

You can take the scale out of the bathroom...

But you can't take the need to weigh-in out of the girl. I caved, I stepped on the scale. Actually, I don't consider it caving. It was a legitimate curiosity and I was ready to face the music. One week of waiting was enough. Luckily, it was a lower number, so of course it was a great feeling, and worth the wait. I felt like I had to be honest with ya'll, even though it only matters to me, really.

Here's what I have learned from this experiment. Keep going. My plateau at 228/230 lasted 5 weeks. I was getting stressed and feeling like a failure. I thought to myself - okay, that' s it. Maybe this is where I am meant to be. Maybe this is the weight my body is happy at. But I kept exercising, I stuck to my eating plan and finally, finally, I am down. I know in my heart that the scale is not the only reward of being healthy. But I can't help enjoying the tangibility of it. Also, getting measured for that bra this weekend was very rewarding too. I wish I had measured myself when I started this whole hullabaloo, but I didn't. Only my band size is evidence that even though the scale hadn't moved in a while, my body was changing its shape anyway.

I encourage you to plow through any plateau - it will pass. Don't stop exercising or eat too much because it all seems hopeless, because it truly isn't. Anything we do for our bodies that is healthful will have healthful benefits, sometimes they come slower than we'd like. But if I can do it, you can too, because I am a pure emotional eater, through and through.

I'd love to hear about how you guys made it through a plateau, and any other tricks you have for staying sane during it. Oooh - and if you weigh yourself every day like I do, do you find it helpful or aggravating?

P.S. 224.

Boobs, sizes and dresses, oh my!

How to make yourself feel better when the scale doesn't move.

1. Buy a new dress for your birthday party.
2. When it is 10 pounds too tight, ask your seamstress/work out buddy friend for advice.
3. When she says - "body shaper" - heed her advice and get thee to the Lane B
4. Find helpful sales woman who doesn't mind talking about your chubs
5. Have her measure you for a new plunging bra and discover that your band size is 6 inches smaller than it was 1.5 years ago. And, your cup size is still a D with a smaller band size. This should not matter to you, but it might.
6. Rejoice as you try on a couple of different bras and your saleswoman does not mind you pulling open your dress to say "I think the left one looks too squooshy, don't you?"
7. Hike up your Spanx and feel beautiful in your new dress.
8. Buy red patent shoes that make you feel a little sexy and like you might be too old to wear them, but you're doing it anyway.

The end.

Balance, or... I love bacon and I can't quit

When I was 25 or so, I remember going to bed on a Saturday night, sober. My usual weekend pattern involved performing in a show, then going out drinking for 2 or 3 hours, and then eating a burger and fries or scrambled eggs and bacon at 2 am. I am so pretty, I know. Awaking refreshed and headache free was such a distinct feeling, that I've never forgotten it. Because it was at that moment that I realized that moderation could be a handy life tool. However, if there is something I enjoy, it is hard for me to do that moderately. I listen to a CD over and over and over again (there were some confiscated by my dorm mates in college!) I am "in love" by the second date, and oh yeah, there's that pesky overeating thing.

I've finally come to terms with my meal/snack/sweet tooth guilt. I want to share it here, simply as a journal entry for myself, working it out, but also it may help other people. I've decided to stick a fork in my food guilt and toss it aside. Because really, I can't think of a bigger waste of my time. Besides watching Scott Baio is 46 and Pregnant - which I have only heard of, I've never actually seen it. Swear. Unless you watch it too - and maybe we could talk about it?

As I've grown up and out (har har) - I remember hearing doctors and diet gurus on talk shows or what have you make this remark about bacon or any other fatty delicious food "Well, in moderation, that is okay." and what I would hear is "Don't ever eat bacon unless you want to have a heart attack 10 seconds after swallowing." Eating healthfully used to only feel like torture by deprivation. And nothing makes me want to do something so badly than hearing no. This lead me to think about why I was feeling so guilty about wanting the chicken and chorizo enchiladas. I think I am afraid that one unhealthy meal will make the 58 pounds come flying back on. Or, that I won't be able to stop at one unhealthy meal, and I'll be back to where I started. But I can. I can enjoy myself and know that the next day, I'm going to be 100% on plan or "back to normal".

Because here's the thing I have realized. I am pretty damn healthy. I've made so many changes to my diet and lifestyle, that they are a habit. A routine. They are sustainable behaviors that I can live with forever, and not burn out. If I went to the gym 7 days a week and only ever ate vegetables and brown rice - I would have given up a long time ago. Compared to this list, a little bacon and cheese in moderation isn't going to do the damage long term that I am so fearful of.

- I pack my breakfast and lunch to take to work
- I eat at least 4 servings of fruit/veggies every day
- I exercise 4 days a week at the gym, and walk the dog on other days (usually)
- I don't smoke or use drugs
- I take my multi-vitamin and calcium supplements
- I drink somewhere between 64 and 80 ounces of water a day
- I recycle
- I call my Mom once a week
- I say I love you every day

Okay, those last three are to be funny, but really - isn't a balanced life what it is all about? Eating healthfully 90% of the time? Of course it is! Do I drink too much half and half? Yes, but so far, my cholesterol levels are fantastic - and they've been given a boost too, with all this exercise junk I've been doing.

So I'm not going to reward myself with food, and I'm not going to stress out about an indulgent evening. I'm going to continue with regularly planned meals and get back on that elliptical and feel good. So if you're feeling blah - write down everything you've done right! You'll feel much better, I promise.

Weigh In day

Somebody hold me, I think I'm going to faint. I have hit a new low of 234.2! That's a loss of 8.4 pounds. What? 8.4? Yes, 8.4. I've never had a loss like that before. So that gets rid of all that holiday gain, which I think that means that my last weigh-in was high due to water retention, etc. Because 8 pounds is a lot to lose in one week for my body. I'm sure it is in part to the whole not chewing thing that makes a definite difference. But boy howdy, I'm taking this number and and running with it, you bet your sweet bippy. Whatever a bippy is...

Made it!

Yay for small victories - I actually took The Ding for a walk last night, after the rain stopped. Albeit a short one, as the wind was howling and it was cold. We went for about 40 minutes - but I'm sure 34 of those were spent sniffing and peeing on everything. That's my boy, so classy.

However, my new friend at work brought me a plate of treats from his Mom - how cute is that? A very sweet gesture, but sooo tempting. Magic cookie bars, cherry white chocolate cookies, toffee and biscotti. Oof! Season's Eatings! I had 2 pieces of toffee and one biscotti and set the rest aside. Good girl! That only means I'll eat them later, mind you - but in slow normal amounts. Promise.

show and tell

Let's accentuate the positive! A show and tell of photos. I never took an official "before" photo of myself. But I think this is pretty accurate of what I looked like "before".

So here we are in September of 2006, at the gorgeous Crater Lake in Oregon, when I had been exercising for one month. Please note I NEVER wear tank tops in public without something to cover my arms. But it was so hot there! And I actually reasoned that I would never see those people again.

And now, 51 pounds gone! I couldn't resist the pants pull out at my waist. And yes, I really am that tacky to wear a red bra under my green tank top. Love me anyway! That is "clingiest" tank top I own and now it aint so clingy!

And now some photos from the side and in front. How hard is it to get in front of the camera and not suck your tummy in? I have been doing that my whole life, so it is funny to force myself to not do that. This is the real deal, man.

And finally, my new jeans! When I go to put these on, they look absolutely teeny tiny to me, even though in the photo they don't look that small. I'm going to hang on to my old size 28 jeans for future comparisons.



So tacky bra strap and all, these photos make me feel good! They kind of solidify my progress for me. I need to keep these in my mind for motivation. And thus ends the show and tell portion of our program.