Rejuvenation vacation! And a salad

Who is the most responsible office worker - it's my last day in the office for a whole glorious week, and I'm typing a blog entry. Not good!

I'm approaching the week as a time for rejuvenation. On my list

• Weed my GD yard. I loathe weeding. Have roped in the husband to a full day on Sunday, so we can just call it good. Planting shrubs, laying down mulch and building a fence for the tomatoes. Fun!
• Creating my new menu for jump starting weight loss. I am so good about exercising. I mean really good. Its not an issue to work it into my day, the issue is telling myself that the exercise justifies extra snacks. Although that's a lie! It does not. Must start restricting extras. Bleh.
• Reading in the hammock - the weather here has been pitch perfect - high 70's. I could even take a wee bit hotter. Please don't let typing these sentences call forth rain.
• Purging clutter. I can tell my eating is in discord partially because I am on my cycle, I am worn out and tired, but also, the disarray - I need to clean up my environment - too too messy!
• Visiting friends - I hope!
• Eating watermelon. Making watermelon popsicles. And possibly a watermelon mojito. In the hammock? Oh yeah, baby.

I also made myself the most delicious salad this week. Cobbled together from what was in the fridge, and modified from a recipe I saw elsewhere. Make it. Make it now. It is delicious - creamy and crunchy and fresh, but if you mash up the garbanzo beans, I'm told it could sub as a mock chicken salad filling in a pita pocket. However you eat it, you'll be glad.

Garbanzo bean salad - serves 2

Ingredients
1 1/2 cups Garbanzo Beans
1 cup Celery Hearts (about 3 stalks)
1 cup Savoy Cabbage
1 cup Cabbage, Red, Raw
1/2 cup Orange Bell Pepper
2 tbsp Sour Cream
1 tbsp Mayo
1 tbsp Lemon Juice
1 tbsp dried Dill Weed

1. Rinse and drain well, 1 15 oz can of garbanzo beans, or cook enough dry to yield 1.5 cups.
2. Crush the garbanzo beans a little with a potato masher, or your hands. Or leave whole, the mashing is best for a sandwich filling.
3. Dice celery, and bell pepper
4. Shred cabbages to equal 2 cups
5. Mix beans and veggies together in a large bowl
6. In a small bowl, cream together sour cream, mayonnaise, lemon juice and dill. Add salt and pepper to taste.
7. Pour dressing over salad, stir well.

Serve chilled or at room temperature. Yes, I used high fat dressing ingredients - I was out of plain yogurt. And fat, she satiates me.

Nutrition facts:

Amount per Serving
Calories 314
Calories from Fat 95.0
Total Fat 10.55g
Saturated Fat 2.5g
Cholesterol 12.5mg
Sodium 276.25mg
Total Carbohydrate 37.56g
Dietary Fiber 6.66g
Sugars 13.07g
Protein 11.81g

Remember, stressed is desserts spelled backwards!

Last I tuned in, I was headed to the wedding reception. Song was sung - to laughter. Don't worry, they were supposed to laugh! Once I sang, I felt like it was just a warm-up, and I wanted to do it again! But there it was, live performance is like that, you get to do it, and then the moment is over, and the memories are floating in the ether. There was wine a'plenty. I think the bartenders, who were really friends of one of the bride's mother, were pouring 8 ounces in a glass. At 11:30 am. Yeesh. I did not abstain. I couldn't - it was from a fancy winery, and I wanted to try both the red and the white. And the champagne was lovely. The food, oh lord, there weren't any good choices. Seriously. We were served a plated salad (very small) and then there was a buffet of pasta. Chicken parmesan, meat lasagna or penne in cream sauce for the vegetarians. And there was a plate of olives, cheese and strawberries. So I went for a smidge of chicken, and a smidge of lasagna. And a few strawberries. Ah well. Sometimes all you can do is exercise a little portion control. Upon returning home, I went right back to exercising (even though we were in our triple-digit heatwave), and eating fresh produce. The usual. But the scale, she is not happy.

So I took drastic measures. I have signed myself up for personal strength training at my local YMCA. I went through the process 3 LONG years ago when I first joined, but it is painfully obvious that I am stuck. Stuck, stuck, stuck. I hope to again find it inspiring, and to make some great results. I know by now that if my body has stopped changing, then I need to change how I move and fuel my body. I really, really, really think I make pretty good, informed choices about food most of the time. I could not plan my meals any more stringently. It is the sweet indulgences that are likely doing me in, but I know that I'm not going overboard.

Here's the one good thing - at least I am great at maintenance! My first session is tonight - I'll be back with a full report! And since making this commitment to myself, this is the first morning that I looked at the scale, shrugged and said "Won't be like that forever!" instead of cringing. Mental progress.

Funk solved!

No weigh in today. It was shockingly high this morning, which I attribute to the wine I had Friday, Saturday and Sunday this weekend, (busy social girl!) and the fact that I am at the peak of my cycle. Which, by the way, I "became a woman" over TWENTY years ago - you'd think I'd be able to tell when I am having a hormonal mood swing by now, for crying out loud. This was a long one, which I think is why it didn't occur to me. It is amazing how powerful my emotional swings are. But again, eating well and exercising have eliminated my cramps for two months in a row - that is a serious first for me.

So if we don't post weight, here are my NSV's for the week!

• I exercised 5 days in a row - hooray!
• I listened to my body and waited for it to get hungry (and apparently thirsty, with all that wine, eh?)

My challenge this week - a weekend with old friends at a wedding reception, which will have lots of food and drink. Another complication, it is in my old college town, so I'm already having memories of my favorite eateries. Being nostalgic about food is a serious pitfall of mine. The other problem? The reception is a luncheon, (at which I'm singing - those poor guests who have to listen to me!) so we arrive at 11, disperse at 2:30 and then are to meet up again for a dinner later that evening. However, with that schedule, exercise is most likely not in the cards for me. I know, I know, I have at least a few hours before dinner, but that's going to be spent visiting. So I'll have to make good choices, yes? Yes. Always facing choices. I hate that feeling when my time is taken away from me, and I end up having to ask myself over and over again - do you want to eat that, or do you want to weigh less? I want both, dammit! Must remember to have a lot of vegetables, and not as much wine. I'm writing that on my hand, I think.

Traveling Wo-man

I have an exciting opportunity at work that is presenting a new challenge in my weight loss efforts. Am I now a cheese tester? No, but if that position is available anywhere, please consider this my application, because I would be an expert.

My new responsibility means traveling. Going to 4 of our national offices and auditing their files to make sure they are properly documented, in case our consulting advice was ever called into question, or litigation. Boring? You bet. BUT I get to fly on the company dime and see some great cities, and earn some points with my boss, so it is a win-win as they say in the bizness world.

The challenge? Eating out, and not having my familiar YMCA to work out in. As soon as I set foot on a plane, I'm all about I'm on vacation! Let's eat what we feel like and claim that I'm walking all of it off. But I saw what un-tamed birthday eating did, (8 pounds!) so I know that isn't going to work. Also, I am a freak about not having food nearby. I already went on a training session, and ate so much at breakfast because I wasn't sure when I was going to have lunch and what if I get hungry and oh my are those hash browns and granola bars? Move over! It was silly. Here are some strategies that I've laid out for myself:

1. Protein at breakfast makes me stay fuller longer s0, eggs and fruit are my best choice at breakfast.
2. Exercise! Every hotel we're staying at has exercise facilities, so there's no reason to not have some sort of movement.
3. Portion control - our team will be taken out on a big fancy dinner one night, and so I must remember that rule of only eating half of what is on the plate.

Practical, yes? Not too hard to follow? Yes. I just have to put them into play!

Tomorrow, I'm off to Washington DC and I'm so excited! I am pretty overwhelmed by the sightseeing options, and I only have Friday evening and all day Saturday to see what needs to be seen. I'll be back Sunday, exhausted and hopefully full of good memories, not cheese.

Food, glorious food!

I am in shark-mode this week. My period is in full swing, and I can’t get enough to eat. Last night I asked my husband to go get me angel food cake, whipped cream, strawberries, and/or brownies, and/or cookies and/or French fries. Luckily for me, he didn’t. So, I ate a bagel with butter and jam. I never understood people who put jam on bagels, because why waste an opportunity to eat cream cheese with jam, but good grief, that is good. Dangerously good, Will Robinson. Today I have a lunch meeting and I ordered a falafel sandwich for myself. Should I have gone with a salad? Yes, but I didn’t. I am so excited for that dang falafel! And tonight, I’m going to an event put on by a local fancy pants chef, where we get to eat tasty little samples of my favorite bad-for-me-but-I-can’t-break-up-with-him-lover, bacon. Baconopolis! My palms get a little sweaty when I think about the bacon carbonara – and the dessert bacon, and sampling bacon by different farmers. All in a lovely venue with my husband and a friend, and a glass of wine. Oh, loveliness.

All this hefty eating should keep the shark at bay, and if it doesn’t someone check me for a tapeworm, because I should not be this hungry. The other thought that lingers is “counting” all of these calories. I had a pleasant weigh in this week, and I know myself, and myself likes to slack off when I’ve had a loss. For some reason I think my diligence can wane, I can relax, because I’ve obviously got this weight loss thing covered. Um, no, you don’t, self. So to make up for yesterday’s and today’s indulgences, I have to be super strict on Saturday and Sunday. I truly believe that it is possible to eat bacon and satisfy a carb craving without guilt, and still lose weight. I can’t deny myself social eating all the time, and the hard part is that I am learning (still) to treat those situations as special, as an exception to the rule, and to re-dedicate myself to good health when that special event is over. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Chicago, here we come!

Tomorrow we're headed out to Chi-Town (33 degrees with snow flurries - fun!) 1) for Mr. Black's cousin's wedding (I love being a wedding guest!) and 2) so I can hug and squeeze one of my dearest friends, and hold her beautiful baby girl for 48 hours. I'm very excited as the baby is about 8 months old - not so old that she can crawl away from me, but old enough that she won't sleep 17 hours a day. I plan to teach her the phrase "I love Aunt Sara" while I'm there - I'm sure she'll get it in no time. Neither Heather or Teale were able to meet with me this trip, which was a bummer, but we're going to make it happen the next time I'm out that way.


And I must confess, along with baby squeezing, I want to do some big eating while I'm there. Midwest steak dinner? Sign me up! Chicago-style pizza? Yes, please. And oh how I love going out for breakfast. Is this a smart plan? Not really, because I know myself. I know that being on vacation is sometimes a trigger to my brain to stop eating smart portions and counting calories. I also know very well that when I return home and I step on the scale and if I see myself way above 220, I'll feel deflated, disappointed in myself, and regretful. Are those feelings worth the taste of all that food? Definitely not! For the first time in my life, I checked to see if the hotel offers a fitness center. I'm taking my work out clothes, and hope to knock out some exercise in the mornings before hitting the town and lifting my fork. I have never even set foot in a hotel fitness center. Strange that this is the woman I've become. Will I be successful? I hope so. If I can return home with a minimal gain, or even better, maintaining, I'll be a proud, proud lady.


Have a great weekend! And cross your fingers I eat well. That means smart and tasty!

Being aware

Had my first rehearsal for the show on Sunday. It was hard work, and invigorating. We did a lot of character exercises that involved movement, and we were all sweaty by the end. 5 hours is a long time to jump and crawl and squat and run. Not every rehearsal will be like that, but I did feel better knowing that I got some movement in. And can I tell you how good it feels to be comfortable in my body – to know that I can squat and get back up, and I can run in place and not pray for the exercise to be over? I am physically stronger, but also more confident in my physical ability. Fabulous!

I’m feeling a little panicky about what my weight will do with my new rehearsal schedule. Essentially, I’m taking out my exercise time to go to rehearsal. And rehearsal won’t be all sitting around and eating – the director is very much the opposite, she likes to get us moving. What can I do to make sure I don’t gain 20 pounds in 3 months? The answer is simple, kind of a bummer, but necessary. No overeating. I have to stick to 1720-1750 calories a day – and maybe even less, if I’m going to maintain where I’m at now. I’m so glad that it will be so easy for me, as it is the holidays and all – there’s never any temptation to overeat during November and December. Yep, should be a snap. (Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!)

There is only so much room in one day, and it seems that most people I know, or read online, sacrifice their health first when facing a time crunch. Exercise is the first thing that I convince myself I don’t have time for when I am busy. Yesterday I had to rehearse from 1-6, then change clothes and meet friends for dinner at 7:30. I kept telling myself in the morning that I should do a 25 minute aerobic routine to justify eating beef burgundy for dinner. But, I spent the morning cooking, and taking the dog for a 30 minute walk instead. I feel better knowing that I've planned my meals, and will hopefully avoid the I'm-in -a-hurry-just-grab-a-burger pitfall. Also, since I won't be home in the evenings eating pounds of peppermint bark, it should be manageable. I've also considered working out on my lunch hour - which may prove necessary, but I'm reluctant to give up that time that could be spent learning lines or refreshing myself.

I got myself into this, and it is up to me to be vigilant and careful and dedicated to my body and my soul. And skip the eggnog lattes.

Superstar Spinning Cycler

Status: Sore

Activity: Strenuous Spinning

I ventured into new territory last night, the Group Cycle class at the YMCA. Also known to the cool kids as spinning, I think. It started out like most group exercise classes for me: biggest girl in the class? Check. Most sweaty and inexperienced? Check. If I were friends with the other riders and could ask them embarrassing questions, I would likely be able to confirm that I also qualify for most sore pelvis today. Note to self to check the seat next time. This was 45 minutes of serious activity; I had no idea how hard it would be. Walking out on my spaghetti legs, I had a feeling that I haven’t had in a while. Pride mixed with oh my gawd, I am so completely tired and spent and so sweaty gross must shower - NOW. The kind of work out afterglow where you finish and feel like you’ve earned a piece of cake, but then you don’t eat it because that would ruin it. I haven’t been there in a while.

It’s also an honor system work out. You can decide how tense to make your resistance, and how fast you want to go. I sometimes suffer from “Keeping Up with the Instructor” syndrome. Where I push myself to learn something quickly and do it just as skillfully and quickly as the instructor, even though I should focus on learning it before trying out for the Olympics. But I realized that the class is 45 minutes, and 10 minutes in I was already sweating, so maybe just dial it back notch, sister. This turned out to be prudent advice to my self. When I walked out of there I felt exhausted, but also somewhat excited. Here’s a new activity that could be the key to making that durn scale move the other way. I challenged myself and I liked it. I'm feeling powerful again - like I will succeed instead of just hoping that my efforts will work. Kind of like a superstar.

CTFLC - Day One

Cracking the Fat-Loss Code

Alright gentle readers, here's a synopsis of how to the CTFLC plan works.

1. Your body burns carbohydrates in food for energy first
2. Your body burns glycogen (built up in your muscles from carbohydrates) for energy second
3. Your body burns fat only as a last resort

The author then adds that your body only wants to survive, so it cares not about what size your jeans are. Thus, when you give it less calories, it adjusts the amount of energy it uses to keep things functioning. The 8 week plan is designed to shake up our metabolism and change our body's direction for energy - making it choose fat, and not carbs. There is also an emphasis on exercise to develop muscle, because as we all know, more muscle means you get to eat more! I mean, we burn more calories, and hopefully, more fat.

There are several cycles of eating, all regulating the amount of carbohydrates you take in. The first week of the plan is called Carb-Deplete. One must consume less than 20 grams of carbs per day. I read through a sample menu plan and noticed the absence of fruit, and limited vegetables. Of course, no added sugar or alcohol. This week is the only week that is super strict. The menu has no fruit, and only lettuce, cucumber and broccoli for veggies. Also, making a protein shake with Crystal Light. This turned me off. Being fiber free is not good for me.

It is clear that a good point is being made in that we need to take in more protein to build muscle, and that if you reduce your carbs, your body is going to have to find alternatives. But I'm trying to keep my fiber intake up - moving things along makes a difference on the scale. And fiber = carbohydrates. For this week, I'm compromising.

My usual breakfast for the past few months included:

1/2 cup yogurt
1/2 - 1 cup fruit
2/3 cup of Smart Bran cereal
Soy sausage
Coffee with half and half
This equaled 12 grams of protein and 35 grams of carbohydrates. And, I would be hungry 2.5-3 hours later. I do think that the cereal was a bit to blame, and the sugar in the yogurt.

So this week, here's what I’m eating.
1 crust less spinach quiche
Soy sausage
Coffee with half and half
Which started my day at 20 grams of protein and 12 grams of carbs. And, I went a full 3.5 hours before I got hungry.

I made the Barefoot Contessa Lentil recipe for lunch - because my friend the lentil offers protein and fiber! I added chicken breast too. And then I passed on the mashed potatoes at dinner.

Most important to me is the satisfaction level for whatever I am eating. If it tastes good, and I'm not walking around feeling hungry, I'm a happy girl. So, I won't be following the fat loss code dieting plan. However, today I finished my day with 111 grams of protein and 99 grams of carbs. I never felt starving - just that comfortable it is time to eat now hunger.

My dietitian suggested eating protein before a workout, and that I should get 95 grams or higher per day. I think I will focus on keeping my protein levels up, and giving myself a challenge in the exercise realm. But this was good perspective, all the same. I think it would work for someone who needs a kick start, and is willing to follow menu plans, and stick to them. The author does allow for some wiggle room after the first week, offering a list of acceptable substitution foods.

But for now, I gotta do it my way.

Half-cracked?

I have a confession. I have succumbed to a weight-loss self-help book. I know, I know. I am so anti-DIET. Low-carb, no-carb, low-fat, no white food, cabbage soup, or pre-packaged meals - anything that is guarantees success, but isn't sustainable in the real world, is bad news bears to me. I can't eat one way for 6 months and then go back to eating another way, because I am a slow learner, and will throw my restricted calories out the window to make room for the pizza. So far, I have been determined to do it my way. Eating what I want (and sometimes saying no, even when I want to say yes), exercising, and finding support online. BUT. Two years later, and I'm stuck. I'm strong, I'm fiber-licious, full of vitamins, but also stuck.

Crack the Fat-Loss Code is designed to break plateaus in 8 weeks. (Cracking the code? This just screams late night infomercial!) And look at that, I have 8 weeks on my hands! There are menu plans somewhere near the end. Until I get to that point in the book, I've been reading about how my body needs protein and fat and carbs to live and function, blah, blah, blah. I am the worst person to read a self-help book. I learn in an aural style much better - however I am determined to understand this program. I'm cracking the code! I'm going to lose fat, I just know it! There are testimonials every 10 pages (okay, I've only read like 20 pages - but still, that's 2 testimonials already!) So it must really work, right? I hope I have not just jumped the track into diet crazytown. I don't mean any disrespect, CTFLC, I'm just a big old cynical girl, who needs your help. I admit I do feel comfortable since there are menu plans that I can cook for myself. I did have the good sense to check it out from the library - so I can just turn right around and drop it back off if it turns out to be a bunch of hooey.

Also at the library? Cookbooks! One can check them out, commit a few good ones to memory, (never photocopy, of course) and then return it. Brilliant! I work 2 blocks from the biggest and most beautiful library in Seattle, and I never go there. Shameful! That's all about to change.

So - here goes nothing! A weekend of cooking big (or healthfully portioned, I mean) healthy meals, exercising and cracking the code.

Of the Salt and the Crunch

At my office, we can't open an envelope without having it catered. Box lunches litter the conference rooms each week around here. And most come with the ubiquitous bag-o-chips. I have two bags in my desk. Potato chips are my nemesis. I would like to say that this journey to smaller sizes and better health has blessed me with the ability to always breezily pass by trigger foods entirely, or have JUST a single portion. However, potato chips are the exception. I will eat them by the handful, as many as I can, and love every single crispy, greasy, and salty bite. (hi, mouth is watering, now)

So today I got the salty/crunchy snacky cravings. And I thought - the chips are there - just get them! Then I thought "Yum!" and then I thought "You should go get your cherries from the fridge instead." And then I remembered that I could have an ounce of roasted and salted almonds instead of potato chips. They "cost" about 70 calories more than the chips, but add protein, heart-healthy fat and fiber. And they also give me a salty crunch. But the bigger question is why keep the TWO! Uneaten! Bags in my desk? They've been there for weeks, people, weeks, shouldn't I just get rid of them? I think I want them for PMS emergencies. Perhaps I'll examine this further at a later date. But today, they're still there, and I ate the cherries and almonds instead. The End.

HYC Check In

Week 3 of no weigh in, so let’s focus on the NSVs! I missed one work out, but otherwise, I kept everything up. I even went to the gym last week after a root canal and a PAP – if that doesn’t show commitment, I don’t know what does.

One of my goals during this off the scale period is to keep my calories pretty steady. When I was following Weight Watchers, one woman in the class asked “At what point does the size of your apple count as 2 points?” And the instructor replied “You know I never gained weight because I ate too many apples, so I always count them as one.” That is the truth. I have to watch the stuff that is calorie dense, the sugary extras, and the half and half. I hate being the nerd that weighs her pork chop before she eats it, but how else am I going to know how many ounces it is? Also, I made an Excel sheet to calculate the exact calories in my made at home dishes. Nerd fest! I hope, I hope, I hope that these tools will keep me on track, and get that number below two hundred! As much as these things are nerdy and time consuming and kind of a drag, I am so glad to have a plan and look forward to a life with healthy eating habits, exercise and oh yes, smaller pants!

Hope everyone has a great week!

HYC Check In

Oh dear. Where was I? Oh yeah, I was rejoicing in my dietitian's words, enjoying the long weekend, and then blammo! Work exploded and it was annoying as there was no time for blogging - reading, writing or otherwise. Bummer. So, last week I was up 1.2 pounds, to 223.2 and this morning I am up too, to 223.6. Arrrrgh! This is maddening. I feel like I'm moving 1 step forward, 2 steps back. So aggravating.


I was so inspired a couple of weeks ago. Now, I find myself wanting to give up. Not REALLY give up, but stop thinking about it. I may have to put away the scale. My endless yo yo-ing around in the 220's is making me want to cry, or eat a loaf of garlic bread, or both. Add to that the feeling of when I plug in goal weights and dates into calculators and the numbers come back as "You must lose 3.8 pounds per week to make your goal." I don't feel better. Maybe I will secretly weigh myself only once a week. I think that's the only way to combat my anxiety. This is my own personal journey, and I enjoy this community, but I may need to try and focus on the journey and health for the sake of health, not weight loss.


I've decided that this month will be Just Do It June.


Just exercise. Just eat well. Just breathe. Just enjoy yourself. Just do it. Without worrying about the end result.


The trick will be to just do it without throwing reason out the window, still work toward the goal without thinking about it every day, and without zooming back up to 290 pounds. Any miracle advice?

Ask the Nutritionist - the results

Is it wrong if I want to invite my dietitian to dinner? She was so, so lovely and positive and helpful.

The me report: We looked over my food journal together and she thought it was fine, just that I needed to increase my protein intake, and my fiber intake tends to wobble a bit, so I should keep that a bit steadier. She let me keep my half and half! We spoke about what times during the day I eat and how much I eat before and after exercising. She covered all aspects of wellness, asking about my exercise levels, my relationship with food and my relationship with my body. I'll be having lab work done at my physical next month, and she'd like to see the results of those. She's also not keen on the recommended height/weight charts, saying "They are ridiculous, there is no magic number that works for every body. Please throw that out the window." How fabulous is that? I told her about my body fat percentage experience, and how my eyes had been opened to using that as a guideline, rather than a number on a scale. She said that was great, because muscle is 2.5 times as heavy as fat, and that it is not uncommon for some women to have percentages in the low thirties as well. Then there was the flattery factor, which will get you everywhere with me. She's the second person who has recently told me that I don't look like I weigh over 200 pounds, adding that I carry my weight beautifully. Thus, I want to hug her and put her in my pocket, and then go eat some pasta with her.

Also confirmed - 30/30/40 diet works mainly because it is reduced calories - not because of the magic proportions. It does encourage people to make a balance between carbs/protein/fat.

Low fat diets don't work due to the lack of satiety factor. This is so true for me! Fat is not the enemy. Saturated fats are.

She too does not believe in only eating good-for-you-foods all the time, because many times it leads to a binge of stuff you've been craving. Loving her...

Eating too few calories will cause you to gain weight, as the body is protecting you from famine. Because of my activity levels, 1500 a day was too low for me.

Vegetarian protein sources

• Beans - an amazing food, eat them as much as possible
• Edamame
• Eggs
• Cheese
• Cottage cheese
• Nuts and nut butters
• Quinoa
• Seitan/field roast
• Soy products - like the soy sausage I'm having for breakfast

Finally, when I asked her what would happen at my next two sessions, she said that she didn't really think I needed to come back. She said that she'd be happy to answer any questions sent to her via email, but that I had a good handle on what I was doing for weight loss. I truly admire someone saying no to money because it is unnecessary.

This was a fantastic experience and and really helped me fine tune my meals and my map to a healthy weight. Viva la dietitian!

Starring in my own Reality TV show

Dude, I feel like I'm on Temptation Island today - except all the seducers are sweets.

Today I have faced caramel laced coffee cake, with buttery crumb topping. It called my name, but I pretended to not notice its advances and I high tailed it out of there to eat my hearty lentil lunch.

Then there was a pile of peanut butter and molasses cookies, and as I refilled my water bottle, they asked me if they could come with me to my desk. I hesitated, because I thought they would make a nice after lunch sweetie treatie, but again I had to rely on my feet to take me away.

Just now, my co-workers have returned from their annual trip to the Tri-Cities and brought back a box full of bakery cookies, set them out 8 feet from me, and sent an email announcing their presence. I literally can smell the sugar cookies.

Jeez o petey! What's a girl gotta do to get through the day without a cookie in her face? No means no, cookie face. I deserve an immunity idol or something.

Tonight is date night, which means dinner in a restaurant that does not have nutritional information on their website. And then we're seeing these guys in concert. I get to laugh until I pee - and then spend the next three days repeating lines from my favorite sketches to anyone who is near, my favorite part.

So quickly, I'm writing publicly that I won't succumb to these oh so friendly cookies, because at dinner tonight, I may eat something that has cheese and/or butter in it - or both! I'm using the brilliant Cammy's SMART Splurge decision making process. 1) I still have sore quads from Tuesday's squats, 2) I'm going to Pilates class tonight and 3) I've been on plan for days and 4) I've got 800 calories to spend. Do I want to use those on a cookie that will taste good at first and then give me sugar crash in an hour? Of course not. I don't know why some days it is so much easier to be strong and other days it isn't, but I am taking advantage of it today - and getting the hell off this island!

Need some strategery*

I am a mild-mannered, meal planning, exercising machine Sunday through Thursday. Then Friday hits and it's like - wee-hoo! I am a crazed eating machine. Not crazed, but just not as careful. I know I'm not alone in this out there. I've even read that some "losers" as I like to call us, even recommend being a little more free on the weekends. Sometimes I eat peanut butter - off a spoon! And then I have pickles instead of an orange, and then in complete rebellion, I may even eat toast with butter on it for a snack. What's a girl to do when a strawberry ain't gonna cut it.

This Monday morning, the scale was up AGAIN. Not good. I've been logging my food religiously. I've been exercising, and making good choices. However, I experimented with trying to get in more protein in my meals this week to kick snack cravings, and that helped me a bit, but you guys, at the meals where I was eating 300-500 calories per meal, I still found myself hungry. Not I'm so bored, let's look in the cupboards hungry, but genuinely rumbly tummy hungry. What gives?

I do know one factor of my weekend undoing is alcohol. I'm not drinking a bottle myself and then eating a block of cheese, mind you. But we've been at social events lately, and I've indulged. So I know that if I cut back on the hooch, I should feel less snacky and won't waste calories.

So here are the issues flummoxing me.

• How many calories to eat? FitDay says that I am burning more than I am eating, which is good. I'm considering that I may need to eat more, since I am doing strength training 3 days a week. Also, in January I was eating a solid 1700-1800 calories a day and losing, so maybe 1500 is unrealistic. Don't know.
• More cardio? More sweating it out?
• Should I just learn patience and stay away from the scale for a while?

So what does a flummoxed gal do to regain her sense of action and controlling her environment? She schedules an appointment with a nutritionist! Blammo - done! Then she schedules an appointment with her YMCA trainer - and requests that said trainer will measure her body fat because the flummoxed gal, she is a sadist. Done! Neither of these appointments are happening for 2 more weeks, but they are happening, which is good. Until then, I'll still journal my food, and try and shake up my exercise, and lay off the hooch.

I can't wait to hear what the nutritionist has to say. I think I have the nutrient part down, but I want to look at caloric stuff and lasting longer on said calories now. I'm not so excited about the trainer part, it will be good for me, although way less fun. This whole thing is way less fun right now. I'll just keep reminding myself that patience is a virtue, not peanut butter. *sigh*

*I know how to spell strategy, it is just way funnier to say strategery a la a certain president we know.

Oooh! I've got a good one!

I have a friend at work who is about the same age as my Mom. I love talking with her, especially since it is so different than chatting with my Mom, but I still get that wise woman factor. And from her, I've just gotten my new favorite mantra/advice/philosophy/bumper sticker. She told me a story about her friend who said "Your priority is whatever you are doing right now." This struck a chord with me, because it is so darn true! Every time I get frustrated, or I feel like eating more than I should, or I don't want to exercise, the reality of the moment is that there is strength and time and love for anything I want there to be. We all have the power to try something new, to take different actions to bring the results we need.

My friend usually pulls this out to chastise herself when she is bemoaning her stagnant love life, or gets frustrated by her job. Wishing I would lose weight never worked, because it wasn't my priority. Now that I treat my body better, I actually see results. No more wishing and hoping for change - if I'm not working on it, it must not be my priority. So, food for thought- what's your priority?

Balance, or... I love bacon and I can't quit

When I was 25 or so, I remember going to bed on a Saturday night, sober. My usual weekend pattern involved performing in a show, then going out drinking for 2 or 3 hours, and then eating a burger and fries or scrambled eggs and bacon at 2 am. I am so pretty, I know. Awaking refreshed and headache free was such a distinct feeling, that I've never forgotten it. Because it was at that moment that I realized that moderation could be a handy life tool. However, if there is something I enjoy, it is hard for me to do that moderately. I listen to a CD over and over and over again (there were some confiscated by my dorm mates in college!) I am "in love" by the second date, and oh yeah, there's that pesky overeating thing.

I've finally come to terms with my meal/snack/sweet tooth guilt. I want to share it here, simply as a journal entry for myself, working it out, but also it may help other people. I've decided to stick a fork in my food guilt and toss it aside. Because really, I can't think of a bigger waste of my time. Besides watching Scott Baio is 46 and Pregnant - which I have only heard of, I've never actually seen it. Swear. Unless you watch it too - and maybe we could talk about it?

As I've grown up and out (har har) - I remember hearing doctors and diet gurus on talk shows or what have you make this remark about bacon or any other fatty delicious food "Well, in moderation, that is okay." and what I would hear is "Don't ever eat bacon unless you want to have a heart attack 10 seconds after swallowing." Eating healthfully used to only feel like torture by deprivation. And nothing makes me want to do something so badly than hearing no. This lead me to think about why I was feeling so guilty about wanting the chicken and chorizo enchiladas. I think I am afraid that one unhealthy meal will make the 58 pounds come flying back on. Or, that I won't be able to stop at one unhealthy meal, and I'll be back to where I started. But I can. I can enjoy myself and know that the next day, I'm going to be 100% on plan or "back to normal".

Because here's the thing I have realized. I am pretty damn healthy. I've made so many changes to my diet and lifestyle, that they are a habit. A routine. They are sustainable behaviors that I can live with forever, and not burn out. If I went to the gym 7 days a week and only ever ate vegetables and brown rice - I would have given up a long time ago. Compared to this list, a little bacon and cheese in moderation isn't going to do the damage long term that I am so fearful of.

- I pack my breakfast and lunch to take to work
- I eat at least 4 servings of fruit/veggies every day
- I exercise 4 days a week at the gym, and walk the dog on other days (usually)
- I don't smoke or use drugs
- I take my multi-vitamin and calcium supplements
- I drink somewhere between 64 and 80 ounces of water a day
- I recycle
- I call my Mom once a week
- I say I love you every day

Okay, those last three are to be funny, but really - isn't a balanced life what it is all about? Eating healthfully 90% of the time? Of course it is! Do I drink too much half and half? Yes, but so far, my cholesterol levels are fantastic - and they've been given a boost too, with all this exercise junk I've been doing.

So I'm not going to reward myself with food, and I'm not going to stress out about an indulgent evening. I'm going to continue with regularly planned meals and get back on that elliptical and feel good. So if you're feeling blah - write down everything you've done right! You'll feel much better, I promise.

resolute

Happy New Year! Last night's party was a success - it was the sexy white pachyderm edition. I received for my craptastic gift a "Ho purse". This regular looking purse, filled with a thong, strappy sandals, tank top, condoms, gum, mouthwash, lubricant, etc. Hilarious! Katie got a DVD called "The Cockettes" about an acting troupe, as well as a book about sex from the middle ages forward, so the laughing was not in short supply. So fun! The onus is now upon Katie to supply all attending the party a sexy fun fact email each week for 2008. We had a blast.

So here we are on January 1st. What will be our goals? I cringe when I think of New Year Resolutions. Normally, these are little words to fail by. But, setting goals is a good idea. My weight loss has been slow. 16 months to lose 55 pounds is healthy and safe, blah, blah, blah. I want more action! I think the reason that it has been so slow is that I'm really not willing to work out more than 4 days a week, and reduce my calories below 1800. So, I think these will be things that need to change, if I want to speed up the process. Man oh man I'm going to need support - someone to say "Put the bagel down!" when I'm faltering. Lucky for us, Diana the Scale Junkie has established the Healthy You challenge for 2008. I am so excited about it. I am envisioning recipe swaps, fitness tips and general commiserating and cheering each other on. I am also compelled by looking good for others - in that I want to impress people with my progress. Approval seeker? Yes, that's me. So I think that this will be a big motivator. Also, my role model, Mel, has established an exercise streak challenge for 2008 -can I exercise every day? Oooh, the suspense!

Without further adieu, grand goals for 2008 to a healthier me.

• Faithfully log meals into FitDay
• Reduce calories to 1600 for January-March
• Reduce calories to 1500 for April - June
• Reduce calories to 1400 for July - December
• Exercise 7 days a week - 4 at the gym, walking on the other 3
• Lose 75 pounds this year!
• Lose 15 pounds by my birthday, March 31st.

Other goals, that are essential to my health, but not weight related:

• Manage the mail/filing clutter in my home. I file in my job, so I am not too eager to take care of it at home. And it is maddening
• Enroll in the SPHR course at UW
• Take an acting class? I've been off the stage for so long, I fear I'm a rusty old lady. A class will revive some confidence - this is tentative. Exercise and losing weight feels like a second job right now, and I just don't know how much time I'm willing to give up for acting even though it is emotionally rewarding for my soul.
• Enlist my husband to find an activity we can do together that doesn't only involve watching something.
• Give more compliments, give more to my community, be frank and honest on this blog.

Whew. That's a lot. I need to establish links to the healthy you community, and I will do so soon. But today is New Year's day and I have some urgent cuddling to do with husband and The Ding, and then movie watching. I wish everyone a 2008 filled with love, new friends, and stronger bodies.

does walking to get an egg nog latte count as exercise?

Choices. I’ve got to make some tough ones this week. Mainly – when to exercise. I can’t go to the gym on Wednesday or Thursday evening this week, due to social engagements. So obviously, if I was smart, I would get up at 6 am each day and go before work. Because the wind and rain and 40 degree temperatures are so welcoming here in Seattle – my warm and cozy bed will seem like torture. Yeah, right. This is a quandary I expect many of us will be facing over the next couple of weeks. Traveling, feasting and imbibing come with December as sure as the cold does. There are only so many hours in the day – I have much to accomplish, and exercise is a priority for me, however, this week it may have to take a back seat. Here's my plan of attack: My work out buddy is unavailable to work out this evening, which automatically gave me a list of 12 reasons why I couldn’t go to the gym either. However, I’ve decided to give the dog a long walk tonight, which is also a long walk for me. It will be cold and rainy and miserable, but it’s something. Just doing something to feel in control is so important these days. My plan of attack also includes seriously staying within calorie guidelines when I can't exercise, because like Mel says, no cookie is worth being fat forever. Wish me luck! And good luck to you all!