Rejuvenation vacation! And a salad

Who is the most responsible office worker - it's my last day in the office for a whole glorious week, and I'm typing a blog entry. Not good!

I'm approaching the week as a time for rejuvenation. On my list

• Weed my GD yard. I loathe weeding. Have roped in the husband to a full day on Sunday, so we can just call it good. Planting shrubs, laying down mulch and building a fence for the tomatoes. Fun!
• Creating my new menu for jump starting weight loss. I am so good about exercising. I mean really good. Its not an issue to work it into my day, the issue is telling myself that the exercise justifies extra snacks. Although that's a lie! It does not. Must start restricting extras. Bleh.
• Reading in the hammock - the weather here has been pitch perfect - high 70's. I could even take a wee bit hotter. Please don't let typing these sentences call forth rain.
• Purging clutter. I can tell my eating is in discord partially because I am on my cycle, I am worn out and tired, but also, the disarray - I need to clean up my environment - too too messy!
• Visiting friends - I hope!
• Eating watermelon. Making watermelon popsicles. And possibly a watermelon mojito. In the hammock? Oh yeah, baby.

I also made myself the most delicious salad this week. Cobbled together from what was in the fridge, and modified from a recipe I saw elsewhere. Make it. Make it now. It is delicious - creamy and crunchy and fresh, but if you mash up the garbanzo beans, I'm told it could sub as a mock chicken salad filling in a pita pocket. However you eat it, you'll be glad.

Garbanzo bean salad - serves 2

Ingredients
1 1/2 cups Garbanzo Beans
1 cup Celery Hearts (about 3 stalks)
1 cup Savoy Cabbage
1 cup Cabbage, Red, Raw
1/2 cup Orange Bell Pepper
2 tbsp Sour Cream
1 tbsp Mayo
1 tbsp Lemon Juice
1 tbsp dried Dill Weed

1. Rinse and drain well, 1 15 oz can of garbanzo beans, or cook enough dry to yield 1.5 cups.
2. Crush the garbanzo beans a little with a potato masher, or your hands. Or leave whole, the mashing is best for a sandwich filling.
3. Dice celery, and bell pepper
4. Shred cabbages to equal 2 cups
5. Mix beans and veggies together in a large bowl
6. In a small bowl, cream together sour cream, mayonnaise, lemon juice and dill. Add salt and pepper to taste.
7. Pour dressing over salad, stir well.

Serve chilled or at room temperature. Yes, I used high fat dressing ingredients - I was out of plain yogurt. And fat, she satiates me.

Nutrition facts:

Amount per Serving
Calories 314
Calories from Fat 95.0
Total Fat 10.55g
Saturated Fat 2.5g
Cholesterol 12.5mg
Sodium 276.25mg
Total Carbohydrate 37.56g
Dietary Fiber 6.66g
Sugars 13.07g
Protein 11.81g

HYC Check In

This is amazing, I am down 1.4 this week, to 226.2 so I'm finally back to where I was before my birthday. Only took a month to undo the damage I did in two weeks. Sheesh. I guess walking around DC helped me! I hope that I can continue my streak and get back my 65 pound badge next week - I only have to lose 1.2 to get it. Come on, 225! I am hesitant to point out that this is week 4 of losing in a row - that usually does not ever happen to me. I hope I'm not jinxing myself!

I also want to change my exercise focus from biceps to triceps - I don't want to be one of those women who does not love every inch of her body, but my upper arms are not on my love list right now. I would really like to have some arms that I'm not ashamed of this summer. Now they are all jiggly gross and I feel super self-conscious. I hide them as much as possible, as though revealing my upper arms would let someone on to the secret that I'm overweight. That's not a secret at all, so it is kind of ridiculous, but it is how I feel. A new goal to reach for, here we go. If anyone has any secrets for fabulous arms, lay 'em on me!

HYC Check In

My last check in for 2008. In honor of the last check in (and the fact that I'm menstrual and have been eating like cheese is going out of style), I'm off the scale this week. Since this is the last check in I've been thinking about all I've learned in 2008 while participating in the Healthy You Challenge:

• I like shopping for clothing when I have lost weight
• I won't lose weight without exercise - and vigorous exercise at that
• Weighing every day is helpful
• I love finding new and creative ways to cook healthful and tasty food
• I love doing Pilates - and how strong it makes me feel
• I love looking at the muscles in my body
• I enjoy the support and friendship blogging brings me
• I need to focus on cutting down on my sugar intake (I'm sweet enough, right?)
• Journaling my food keeps me honest, strict, and leaner
• I am inspired by all the Healthy You Challenge members and their honesty, humor, discoveries and determination
• I am capable of getting to my goal weight. It's not an impossible dream.

So with that, I venture into the Healthy You Challenge 2009 - determined and inspired and ready to kick some butt! Thank you to everyone who has offered their support here - I look forward to another successful year!

Starting over

Oh! Here's where I left my blog. My goodness, it has been a while. I have had the busiest summer of celebrations ever. 3 events where I was pretty integral to the planning and something had to fall by the wayside. Unfortunately, eating well fell down with blogging. I have a hard time saying no to a party. I have an even harder time saying no to wine and snacks at a party. So, I didn't say no, quite a bit. Exercise has been spotty and when I finally got on the scale, I've gained nearly 4 pounds. Yikes! But I followed the perfect combination for gaining weight, so I was not surprised.

Last week I took the whole week off from work and relaxed at home. Also I pretended I was a housewife as Mr. Black couldn't take any vacation time. It was pretty fun, although I never greeted him at the door in Saran Wrap or anything. I think I enjoyed it because it was only temporary. Best housewife score? I got organic ground beef for $1.50 a pound!! I bought 10 pounds worth. That's unheard of. (It only had 3 days before expiring, so into the freezer it went.

I exercised 5 days in a row - count 'em - 5! That felt really good. One of my most significant chores was clearing out all of the clothes that I can't wear anymore. Because they are too big. I did keep some that are marginal - like I shouldn't wear them, but I can still kinda get away with it, if I have to. It was very freeing and also it is wonderful to not have to dig my way through my closet to find things to wear. And also, now I get to shop!

Now that my summer is mine again, I am able to re-double my efforts. Time to ask the question - what is it worth? What is exercising and eating well worth to me. The effort and time and deprivation? You bet. Time to make my goals here. I'm also back to daily weighing and hope that tomorrow will be only mildly painful.

I also read blogs galore, but didn't comment anywhere. I am really looking forward to re-dedicating myself to the Healthy You Challenge and being a true participant. I'm back and better than ever!

Kind of like Disneyland, but not

I've spent two weeks enjoying the ride. My less saturated fat, more whole grains, staying off the scale ride. Only a little bit of self-sabotage surfaced. (Still? Really?) The part of me that starts to think that if I stop weighing in, I can also stop thinking about what I'm eating. Whee extra peanut butter! But this defeats the purpose, yes?

I read an interview with Jeannette Fulda, on her memoir "Half-Assed". In it, she mentioned that when she was in a plateau, she had to enjoy the work she was doing for health's sake. Oh right, that health stuff. I have suffered few physical effects of my weight, while the emotional toll is far greater. While the scale was trumpeting my increase in weight, my self esteem was going down the drain. I felt as though I was losing 2 pounds, gaining one back, and losing my confidence, gaining some guilt and losing my motivation. Not so much fun. These past two weeks have been a good experiment for me. I'm still cooking wholesome food, sticking to my exercise routine, and today I enjoyed the first sunny day we've had in weeks. I'm also considering embroidering on a sampler that doing all things good for my body, even if the scale isn't moving, these things are still worth doing. My scale is now away on a shelf, waiting for when I'm ready. I don't know when that will be. Until then, I find myself channeling Mr. Jagger and getting myself to remember sometimes you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need.

Sunday wrap up and pep talk

Today is Sunday, and I have spent the day walking around doing math. I woke up at a respectable lazy Sunday 10:45, but thanks to that stinking daylight savings time, it was really a slothful 11:45. And then I spend the rest of the day doing math. Oh sure, it's 7:00 now, but it's REALLY only 6:00. Does anyone else do that? And tomorrow morning will come so early. I changed my schedule at work so now I have to be there a half an hour early, forever. I chose the absolute worst week to do so, as I'll walk in at 8:00 thinking "It's REALLY 7:00!" I've gotten my clothes picked out, my lunches and breakfasts packed, and determination to get there on time! P.S. I am not a morning person.

I'm trying to get psyched up for losing my 7-9 pounds to reach 220 by my birthday. When I weighed in on Wednesday after my official Tuesday weigh-in, I was 3 pounds lighter. And lest you worry, I haven't been eating salads sprinkled with laxatives to get there. I think I was just retaining water. I sighed with relief at that number, as 7 pounds in 3 weeks feels like a reasonable goal, one that doesn't involve walking around with hunger pangs and a ball of resentment in my purse. Just hard work will have to do, as is true with most things in life. I have some new motivational goals, which I'll post about later in the week, complete with photos!

Have a good week - even if every day is one hour earlier.

Balance, or... I love bacon and I can't quit

When I was 25 or so, I remember going to bed on a Saturday night, sober. My usual weekend pattern involved performing in a show, then going out drinking for 2 or 3 hours, and then eating a burger and fries or scrambled eggs and bacon at 2 am. I am so pretty, I know. Awaking refreshed and headache free was such a distinct feeling, that I've never forgotten it. Because it was at that moment that I realized that moderation could be a handy life tool. However, if there is something I enjoy, it is hard for me to do that moderately. I listen to a CD over and over and over again (there were some confiscated by my dorm mates in college!) I am "in love" by the second date, and oh yeah, there's that pesky overeating thing.

I've finally come to terms with my meal/snack/sweet tooth guilt. I want to share it here, simply as a journal entry for myself, working it out, but also it may help other people. I've decided to stick a fork in my food guilt and toss it aside. Because really, I can't think of a bigger waste of my time. Besides watching Scott Baio is 46 and Pregnant - which I have only heard of, I've never actually seen it. Swear. Unless you watch it too - and maybe we could talk about it?

As I've grown up and out (har har) - I remember hearing doctors and diet gurus on talk shows or what have you make this remark about bacon or any other fatty delicious food "Well, in moderation, that is okay." and what I would hear is "Don't ever eat bacon unless you want to have a heart attack 10 seconds after swallowing." Eating healthfully used to only feel like torture by deprivation. And nothing makes me want to do something so badly than hearing no. This lead me to think about why I was feeling so guilty about wanting the chicken and chorizo enchiladas. I think I am afraid that one unhealthy meal will make the 58 pounds come flying back on. Or, that I won't be able to stop at one unhealthy meal, and I'll be back to where I started. But I can. I can enjoy myself and know that the next day, I'm going to be 100% on plan or "back to normal".

Because here's the thing I have realized. I am pretty damn healthy. I've made so many changes to my diet and lifestyle, that they are a habit. A routine. They are sustainable behaviors that I can live with forever, and not burn out. If I went to the gym 7 days a week and only ever ate vegetables and brown rice - I would have given up a long time ago. Compared to this list, a little bacon and cheese in moderation isn't going to do the damage long term that I am so fearful of.

- I pack my breakfast and lunch to take to work
- I eat at least 4 servings of fruit/veggies every day
- I exercise 4 days a week at the gym, and walk the dog on other days (usually)
- I don't smoke or use drugs
- I take my multi-vitamin and calcium supplements
- I drink somewhere between 64 and 80 ounces of water a day
- I recycle
- I call my Mom once a week
- I say I love you every day

Okay, those last three are to be funny, but really - isn't a balanced life what it is all about? Eating healthfully 90% of the time? Of course it is! Do I drink too much half and half? Yes, but so far, my cholesterol levels are fantastic - and they've been given a boost too, with all this exercise junk I've been doing.

So I'm not going to reward myself with food, and I'm not going to stress out about an indulgent evening. I'm going to continue with regularly planned meals and get back on that elliptical and feel good. So if you're feeling blah - write down everything you've done right! You'll feel much better, I promise.

Weigh In Day

I am down just over a pound, 1.4 to 232.8 today! I am experiencing the lady troubles as they say, which makes me a bit higher, but this is a lovely loss. 1600 a day is working! And that's all I have to say about that.

resolute

Happy New Year! Last night's party was a success - it was the sexy white pachyderm edition. I received for my craptastic gift a "Ho purse". This regular looking purse, filled with a thong, strappy sandals, tank top, condoms, gum, mouthwash, lubricant, etc. Hilarious! Katie got a DVD called "The Cockettes" about an acting troupe, as well as a book about sex from the middle ages forward, so the laughing was not in short supply. So fun! The onus is now upon Katie to supply all attending the party a sexy fun fact email each week for 2008. We had a blast.

So here we are on January 1st. What will be our goals? I cringe when I think of New Year Resolutions. Normally, these are little words to fail by. But, setting goals is a good idea. My weight loss has been slow. 16 months to lose 55 pounds is healthy and safe, blah, blah, blah. I want more action! I think the reason that it has been so slow is that I'm really not willing to work out more than 4 days a week, and reduce my calories below 1800. So, I think these will be things that need to change, if I want to speed up the process. Man oh man I'm going to need support - someone to say "Put the bagel down!" when I'm faltering. Lucky for us, Diana the Scale Junkie has established the Healthy You challenge for 2008. I am so excited about it. I am envisioning recipe swaps, fitness tips and general commiserating and cheering each other on. I am also compelled by looking good for others - in that I want to impress people with my progress. Approval seeker? Yes, that's me. So I think that this will be a big motivator. Also, my role model, Mel, has established an exercise streak challenge for 2008 -can I exercise every day? Oooh, the suspense!

Without further adieu, grand goals for 2008 to a healthier me.

• Faithfully log meals into FitDay
• Reduce calories to 1600 for January-March
• Reduce calories to 1500 for April - June
• Reduce calories to 1400 for July - December
• Exercise 7 days a week - 4 at the gym, walking on the other 3
• Lose 75 pounds this year!
• Lose 15 pounds by my birthday, March 31st.

Other goals, that are essential to my health, but not weight related:

• Manage the mail/filing clutter in my home. I file in my job, so I am not too eager to take care of it at home. And it is maddening
• Enroll in the SPHR course at UW
• Take an acting class? I've been off the stage for so long, I fear I'm a rusty old lady. A class will revive some confidence - this is tentative. Exercise and losing weight feels like a second job right now, and I just don't know how much time I'm willing to give up for acting even though it is emotionally rewarding for my soul.
• Enlist my husband to find an activity we can do together that doesn't only involve watching something.
• Give more compliments, give more to my community, be frank and honest on this blog.

Whew. That's a lot. I need to establish links to the healthy you community, and I will do so soon. But today is New Year's day and I have some urgent cuddling to do with husband and The Ding, and then movie watching. I wish everyone a 2008 filled with love, new friends, and stronger bodies.

Weigh In Day

I’m a loser baybay…

I did it! Today my weigh in put me at 51 pounds gone!! I feel like that Molly Shannon character from SNL, I want to crow "I've lost 51 and I can kick and stretch and kick! I've lost 51!" I was standing on the scale praying please 240, please 240 and I zipped right past 240 and went straight to 239!! I was worried, because the pizza was calling my name yesterday and so I had my busy salad with 2 slices. 2! Egads! And then I didn’t really eat dinner – just some popcorn before the play, – high in fiber, but not very nutritious. I don’t usually eat like a stressed out supermodel, but I justified it for a couple of reasons. I honestly wasn’t hungry for dinner (listening to my body), but feared that if I didn’t eat something, I would come home at 10:30 and eat ravenously. And I have avoided popcorn all week – which is unusual for me. And, I am a grown up and if I want popcorn for dinner, I’m eating it! I’m on to normal and healthy eating for the upcoming week. But hello, 239! It is such an amazing feeling – like opening a really great gift or when I got engaged, the excitement and joy and dammit, I am PROUD. I went to work and immediately told anyone who was nearby – except my boss, because, well, that would feel weird to me. People are being generous and kind and really congratulating and celebrating with me. Which is lovely, and I have some other thoughts about the celebrating that that I need to arrange into something that doesn’t look like a monkey said it.

What a way to start November, with visions of 235 dancing in my head.

What a difference a day makes

Got a full night's sleep last night, sans doggie disturbances. I feel fantastic today! And I've been pristine on my food intake and updating FitDay. Tomorrow is weigh in and I'm so tingly thinking I may have made my mark. Even if I didn't, I'm making good choices and exercising, which is all you can do. We're having a big family dinner tomorrow night, because Mowtin is in town, and we're going for Thai food. Red curry, here I come, 50 pounds or not!!

Off to the gymnasium now.

Back on the FitDay Bus

Okay, it is ridiculous that I haven't made it to the 50 pound mark yet. So, I have armed myself with tasty and high fiber recipes this week, and am back on bloody FitDay. Agonizing! But, necessary. Come with me! Have some healthy soups and only dream of bacon. This week only. We can do it!

My friend Lezlie at work gave me this recipe, I made it this weekend for Mr. Black and I. It is virtually fat free, so you can have corn bread muffins with butter along side! I love butter as much as I love bacon, and that's saying alot. Side anecdote - Mr. Black and I buy our meat in bulk at the Costco. Wrap it up and freeze it, and use it as we need it. Currently, we're out of meat, except for a few chicken breasts. When I made this soup below, Mr. Black said "mmm. this is good. But you know what would be good in this? A steak." Oh he cracks me up! Poor guy - a Costco trip is on the agenda soon. Lest you think I'm married to a steak and potatoes misogynist - he loves everything I put in front of him, and is always kind about my cooking. Okay, on to recipe roll!

Sweet Potato and Corn Chowder

3 sweet potatoes, peeled and diced medium size
2 red onions, diced
2 TBS olive oil
1 TBS Cumin
3 cups corn kernels
1 red pepper, diced
1 green pepper, diced
5 cloves garlic, minced
1.5 tsp salt
pepper to taste
1 quart chicken broth or stock
Chopped cilantro for garnish
Lime wedges for garnish

There are two ways to make this. If you make it using steps one and two, omit the olive oil. For a slightly more complicated recipe - read all the way through.

1. Throw everything in the crock pot, cook on low for 8 hours, or high for 4.
2. Puree half the soup in the blender - careful, only do small batches, only filling the blender half way before blending. Hold your hand on the lid while blending. Something about the heat and the whir of the blades will cause your soup or authentic enchilada sauce spew out of the blender and all over your kitchen and cabinets, and into utensil crock when you are trying to cook an authentic enchilada meal for your New Mexico born boyfriend while he is at work. Not that this has ever happened to me.
3. Mix the blended soup back in the crock pot and serve hot topped with cilantro and lime juice squirted in. Yum!

Variation -
1. Preheat the oven to 425. Toss the potatoes and onions in the olive oil with the cumin, salt and pepper. Roast for 45 minutes, before adding to the crock pot. Then proceed as listed above. I like the carmelization the roasting gives the potatoes and onions.

And for breakfast, here's a fabulous trick I read about somewhere. Mix applesauce in with your oatmeal!! We all know that oatmeal is supposed to be the best fuel for the morning. And steel cut oats have the most powerful cleansing ability, I understand. But it isn't the most palatable. Some homemade applesauce makes a world of difference!

And for lunch I'm having some White Bean and Kale soup, out of my cooking light cook book. It has a whole head of roasted garlic in it. Yum! I don't really dig kale, but I can do it for a week. A similar recipe can be found here.

If Grimm Wrote Weight-Loss Tales, This Would be It.

In theme with my 48 pounds deserves $50 worth of pants, I took 3 pairs of pants and a black velvet jacket to an alterations place. Because these are good pants and I am tired of them hanging around my hips. As flattering as that can feel, I also don't need to show my lime green undies to coworkers.

The owner of the business greeted me and told me to try each pair on for a fitting. When I first came out, she said, "Okay, those look loose." I agreed, and she began pinning away. This amazing tailor is about 5'10" and probably 350 pounds, or more, she was very large.

"Did you just lose a bunch of weight?" she asked. "Yeah, I did." I replied. "How did you do it?" she asked thoughtfully. I told her how I started exercising and eating less, like people have been telling me to do my whole life. She remarked how hard it is. I agreed that it is hard fucking work - all the time. She cautioned me. "Don't lose your focus." I looked at her, and she continued "I lost 150 pounds doing what you're doing, and then I lost my focus, and it all came back." She said she was thinking about "getting back into it" again, but again, it is so hard. I commiserated with her. But part of me also was a little floored. For years I have started and stopped several weight loss programs. I have always gotten fed up and quit. I have tried visualization, dreaming of myself in a beautiful outfit, looking sleek and curvy. But with little success. This is the first time in my life that I feel I'll really make it. That I'll finally reveal the figure that's been hidden all these years. So, when I do lose my 150 pounds, I really can't fathom putting it all back on. I'm not judging this woman, I'm scared that it will happen to me too. How do you feel that kind of success, and then let it slip by you? I would think there would be a number where you would stop and say, okay, that's 20 pounds over, I need to rethink my eating habits again. It is also further confirmation that weight loss and keeping it off is a constant battle. You can't let your guard down, and throw the scale out. We must stay strong, and keep bloody exercising. Blech.

But, this woman is a miracle worker, and now my pants and jackets are perfect, and look so professional, I can't even tell where she did her magic. And to put on fitting pants that aren't cavernous - fantastic feeling!

10 Daze

Oy! The FitDay Challenge over at Mel's is over. Hurray! I began to feel as though I were in competition with my body. Could I keep my intake under 2000 calories? Could I lose weight even if I didn't? Should I sit on my hands to keep me away from the candy? And most importantly, could I really be honest about what I was eating? And here's what I learned.

1. I go crazy with the calories on the weekends. (I already kind of knew this, but now it was in print proof)
2. I eat A LOT of fat. Wow. A lot.
3. I still hate journaling.
4. I love candy.

So I should lower the fat intake and my high fructose corn syrup snacks, and keep at it! Yes? I am 8 pounds away from hitting the 50 pound mark. So here's a goal - to be down 50 pounds by October 10th. And to not go so crazy on the weekends. Here we go!